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• Featured Article
  10 Tips to Online Dating Success
• Ask Our Coaches
  How do I tell my boyfriend I want to break up?

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FEATURED Article

10 Tips to Online Dating Success

During dating strategy sessions, when I ask my clients if they have ever tried online dating, I generally first hear a groan and then something like, “that doesn’t work” or “I don’t want to put my information out there”. I smile as I listen to their experiences and tell them there is a method to the online dating madness. I then ask them if they’d be open to trying again with the help/guidance of a professional and most times they agree.

Online dating should be part of every single’s dating strategy since online dating sites and apps are what I call “target rich environments”. Further, according to the latest statistics, approximately 20% of committed relationships and 17% of marriages began online.

Here are my 10 tips to online dating success:

1. Write a short, upbeat profile describing who you are and who you’re looking for
   The key words here are “upbeat and short”. To get you started, think of 5-7 words that describe you and work those into the headline and profile narrative.
    
2. Post 4-6 recent (within a year) flattering photos
   If you don’t have any recent photos, consider having some professional lifestyle photos taken. If that isn’t possible, then ask a friend to take some. Include at least one full length photo.
    
3. Define and set up search criteria and run search
   Be as open as you can so that your search returns enough results. 200-300 prospects is a good number to aim for. You want enough prospects so that after sorting, you can find 3-5/day to write.
    
4. Persistent, consistent activity is a must if you want to be successful online
   Try to spend 30 minutes a day online. Set aside a regular period of time to check your email, run your search and read and respond to profiles that you like. Be the chooser. Online dating is equal opportunity ladies. If you like someone’s profile and they’re recently “active”, then send a short ice breaker ending with a question. Try commenting on a photo and asking where it was taken. Or, if you read something in the profile that interests, mention it and ask a question about it. Reply to emails as soon as possible. By delaying, you risk missing the opportunity altogether. Better to take a chance, and send an email than not.
    
5. Strive for progress, not perfection
   You don’t have to write perfect emails, and it isn’t a good idea to expect others to. There’s no such thing as a perfect profile or response. Everyone has their own ideas about how to reply, how to write profiles, etc.
    
6. Don’t take this too seriously or personally
   While your intent is to find and meet that special someone as soon as possible, it usually doesn’t happen overnight, and you’re likely to talk with and meet various people in between now and then.
    
7. Use Law of Attraction thinking
   If you’re going to date online successfully, you have to believe that it will work for you or it won’t. Having a positive perspective and thinking optimistically are key. 2 Law of Attraction principles are “like attracts like” and “what is inside shows up on the outside”.
    
8. Embrace the adventure that is online dating  
   Be curious and enjoy getting to know people. Expand your physical preferences to see what is possible.
    
9. Remember the goal is get offline with those who interest you
   After 3-4 timely emails are exchanged, someone should move the action forward.  I recommend a short phone call as the next step. Try to have a question or two ready. A good phone call will include a fairly even volley of asking and answering questions. If the call goes well, it’s easy to set up a time to meet. I recommend coffee, a drink, or a walk for a first date. Try to limit it to an hour or less. The point of a first date is to see if you’re open to a second date. If not, then thank them, wish them well and move on.
    
10. Use the online sites as just one of several venues to meet people
    Don’t rely on online dating as the only source of possibility. The best strategy is to meet dating partners online and offline. Some offline possibilities are interest based groups, your place of worship, classes, and speed dating. These are just a few of many options. Whatever you choose to do, have fun!

Copyright © 2017 by Sheryl Spangler and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Sheryl Spangler , is a Certified Relationship Coach for Singles and Certified Matchmaker. She helps singles over 40 prepare for and find wonderful relationships. Sheryl’s unique approach is based on providing sound personalized guidance throughout the journey to help you avoid common relationship traps and derailments. www.HeartandSoulMatchmaking.com

Ask Our Coaches

How do I tell my boyfriend I want to break up?

Dear Coaches,

I hate breaking up and I always end up staying in a relationship much longer than I want to. My boyfriend is a nice guy but I know he's not the one for me. I don't want to hurt him and I need help finding the right words.

Dr. Wendy responds ...

Congratulations for having the courage to let go of a relationship that isn't right for you. How would you feel if someone stayed in a relationship with you only because he didn't want to hurt your feelings? It's nice to be concerned about others' feelings and even nicer to be honest.

So, how can you honestly tell your boyfriend that you've valued your time together, he's a nice guy but not the one for you and you both deserve to find someone who is a better match? Ideally you can share your message in a sandwich approach. First a positive layer: These past months have been fun with you…Then your core message: I've realized that we’re not a great match for the long term, and I don't want to continue our dating relationship…Then another positive message: I think you're a great guy and I wish you well with everything...

However you break the break up news, remember it's kinder to be honest than to hang on to a relationship that is not right for you.

Before you jump into another relationship, I highly recommend that you take the time to clarify what exactly you're looking for, make sure all your requirements are met before getting involved and make sure that you are both aligned with your values and vision for the future. A relationship coach can help you clarify what you want, gain the confidence to achieve it and create a plan that will work for you.

Dr. Wendy Lyon | www.drwendylyon.com

Marcy responds ...

You do no one a favor by staying in a relationship longer than you want. Breaking off from relationships that no longer serve you or the relationship as a whole is most often the best action to take. Very few people enjoy the task of breaking up, especially when there is no observable reason such as abuse, addictions, or continual arguing. There are many relationship break ups that happen daily and while there is often pain accompanying them, people survive it and often later as they reflect on it, know it was a gift.

The right words are your truth. It is much more the delivery of those words than the words themselves. Whatever words you choose, say them with sincerity. Sugar coating does not ease the pain. Similarly, avoid using clichés such as, “it is for the best,” or “you will find someone better.” It is also a good idea to stay away from “we can still be friends” syndrome. Unless you are sure that your relationship is more friendship than intimacy, saying it will not make the break up easier for either of you. The best words are those of appreciation for having had him in your life.

Marcy Rich | www.marcyrich.com

Gina responds ...

It is always challenging to break up when you are a kind person dating a "nice" guy. However the longer you let it go on, then the harder it will be for both you and him. There are no perfect words, but honesty mixed with kindness is best served up warmly.

I would suggest started by letting him know that even though he is a great guy (if that is what you think), that you feel that he is not the right match for you, and you seem to want different things. Follow this up with how you have enjoyed the time together with him (if you have), and you wish him well in his pursuit of finding the one for him.

I know it is hard but I highly commend you for realizing when someone is not right for you and continuing your search. Good luck in your relationship pursuit!

Gina Daniels | www.goodbyeshyguy.com

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

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