IN THIS ISSUE:
Are You a Dating Adapter?By: Janet Tingwald
Have you ever adjusted who you are in order to get a guy? You know, compromised your values or beliefs and pretended to share his so he would like you? Were you happy? Did the relationship last?
I'll admit I've done that. And there are lots of whys behind the behavior. I didn't know who I was, I thought what he thought was probably better and his way was right. For some reason I really wanted to be with them. The list goes on...
Did you ever see the movie Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? In the movie Julia Roberts plays a woman who multiple times left a groom standing at the alter. Richard Gere plays the man who tells her the truth. "You don't even know what kind of eggs you like!" Translation, she didn't know herself and was adjusting to whomever she was dating. Thankfully she didn't get married, because then there would have been multiple divorces! (Does any of this sound familiar?)
What I now know is that the only way to find your Mr. Right and be deliriously happy is to be authentically who you are. Yes, you can alter your behavior for awhile, but are you willing to do that for the rest of your life? If you're not getting the results you want in dating and have had multiple relationships that didn't work out, maybe there is something more to learn about you.
Do you know what kind of eggs you like?
Copyright © 2017 by Janet Tingwald and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Janet Tingwald, CPCC supports single women to gain new information and skills to make breakthroughs in the way they date and relate to men. This increases their confidence in dating and shortcuts their path to love. Janet holds multiple coaching certifications and lives in Des Moines, IA. firstname.lastname@example.org
I like dating. Why should I have to commit?
I love dating, but after 2 or 3 dates most of the women I go out with want a commitment. They automatically think that after a few dates we should be "boyfriend and girlfriend" and always break it off with me because I don't want to commit. Is there something wrong with me? What's wrong with just dating?
Gina responds ...
There is nothing wrong with just dating. In fact it is a healthy way to become more aware of your requirements, needs and wants in a relationship, while enjoying a social setting. However it sounds like you have not told your dates that you are only interested in casual dating on the first date, so you can avoid those uncomfortable conversations later. If you can do this some ladies may not be interested in a second date, however those who are will know what you want so there will be no confusion.
Gina Daniels | http://www.goodbyeshyguy.com
Wendy responds ...
Congratulations on your positive attitude about dating! You are wise to wait for commitment. Just because the women you've met want to jump into a relationship right away, doesn't mean it's a good idea! Most people tend to fall into mini-marriages after a few dates, and most of the time those relationships don't last.
However, it's important that you decide if you don't EVER want to be in a committed partnership or if you just want to take your time before committing to being with one person. If you just want to have fun dating different women, let them know. There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with just dating.
If, on the other hand, you do eventually want a long-term relationship, let the women you’re dating know this. You'll want to be much more discerning about who you date if you'd like to find a life partner. And if you need help making this important decision, you can consult a relationship expert.
Wendy Lyon | http://www.DrWendyLyon.com
Janet responds ...
What a great question! Thank you for asking. There is nothing wrong with you, or with wanting to just date. I think it's great that you are clear on what you want out of dating. My question to you is; what are you telling the women you're dating? Do they know that you aren't interested in commitment at this time? When we share our purpose for dating up front it helps to establish trust. Then we can all be informed and make our own decisions. It will also help you to find women that are also interested in just dating.
Janet Tingwald | email@example.com
The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
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