April 2017
Conscious Dating Singles News - April 2017




It All Starts in Your Brain

By: Lori Davis

Men and women are different! I am sure this comes as no surprise to you. Just how different and why we are different may surprise you. We know we act and think differently; yet, we still get frustrated with each other and sometimes angry because the opposite sex does not act like we expect or want them to. We may be frustrated because we can’t figure out what to do to make them happy, and we don't understand what we are doing wrong.

Women tend to feel unloved when they are misunderstood, and men feel disrespected. If you are dating, you may wonder why you can't connect with the opposite sex to find the partner you desire. As frustrating as these differences may be, it is the differences that create the attraction and passion in relationships. The key is to understand each other and learn to appreciate the differences. It is time to break the cycle of blame and learn to appreciate instead of criticize.

Our differences really do start in our brain. There are actual physical differences in brain structure and development that affect how men and women think and communicate. Male and female brains show differences even in utero. They are washed with hormones that start the process by which our brains develop male and female tendencies. The washing of testosterone for males drives the assertive, problem solving, and competitive characteristics of men. From an evolutionary standpoint, men are programmed to be less social and to compete in order to reproduce and pass on their genes.

The female brain is washed in estrogen, which leads to more social behavior, more emotions, and more language skills. From an evolutionary standpoint, women banded together for safety to raise children. They learned to communicate as a way to stay safe and connected.

The corpus callosum, the part of the brain that connects the two hemispheres, is thicker in women enabling them to use both sides of the brain at the same time. The testosterone wash that occurs in male fetuses actually dissolves portions of the connections. This may explain why men are more able to compartmentalize areas of life and focus on one thing at a time while women tend to connect everything.

More importantly, how do these brain differences affect us in relationships? This is what I will be spending 2017 helping you understand. Here are a few for starters: (Yes, I do understand that these are generalizations and there are exceptions.)

  • Emotionally
    Women crave a deeper level of emotional connection. We want to be understood and heard. Men want to be acknowledged and appreciated for what they do.

  • Problem Solving
    Women problem solve verbally by talking and connecting with others. Men deal with problems internally. They will pull inward until they have a solution.

  • Communication
    Men prefer more direct communication about one subject at a time. Women move from thought to thought much easier. Ladies, have you ever been talking to a man and his eyes glaze over? It may not be that he isn't interested in what you have to say, he is just not following your thought pattern.

  • Sex
    We can't leave out sex. Women have a sex drive that ebbs and flows and is stimulated more by romance, touch, and conversation. Men's sex drive is more consistent and is stimulated more by sight. Men connect emotionally through sex and women want to feel emotionally connected before sex.

As you can see, we have good reason to be different and these differences can cause lots of frustration and misunderstandings. We are different; not better or worse. Instead of trying to change each other, make 2017 the year you learn to understand more about how the opposite sex thinks and what they need in a relationship, so you can move forward and create not only good but amazing relationships.

Copyright © 2017 by Lori Ann Davis and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Lori Ann Davis MA, CRS, empowers singles and couples to live richer, fuller, happier lives by helping them create unstoppable relationships. Lori is a Certified Relationship Specialist with over 25 years experience. For more information click www.lorianndavis.com

Follow me on Facebook and sign up for my newsletter to join my free year long program learning to understand and appreciate the differences between men and women.

Ask Our Coaches

Is this friendship or stalking?

Dear Coaches,

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Well, actually he broke up with me. He said he doesn't want to be my boyfriend anymore but he wants to stay friends and I believe him, but my friends say that I'm a "stalker" because I check out his Facebook page a lot and run into him at some of the places we used to go together. They think I should make a clean break and not have anymore contact with him. I admit that I'm hoping he will come to his senses and want to get back together if he keeps seeing me. Is this so wrong?

Wendy Lyon

Wendy responds ...

It hurts to have someone break up with you, especially if you still love him and want to be together. And from a certain perspective, it makes sense that you would do everything you can to try to stay connected with him. Perhaps the two of you could have a conversation and you could achieve the closure you need. What questions do you want to ask him?

You may want to ask yourself a few questions before getting back on his Facebook page or camping out at his favorite bar or restaurant.

  1. What is most important to you in a romantic relationship?
  2. How would you like to be treated in the right relationship?
  3. How available are you for the right relationship now?

Rather than keeping your attention on him, try putting your attention back on yourself, on what you want in your life and ideal relationship. If you need support with letting go, gaining clarity and confidence, and asking for what you want, reach out to a relationship coach who can help you. You deserve to have a partner who is crazy about you!

Wendy Lyon | www.DrWendyLyon.com

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.



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