May 2017




You've Got One Shot at Love

By: Dr. Jackie Black

What if you have one shot at creating the best relationship ever...

The fact of the matter is that everyone would be much better off if we actually believed that we only had one shot to build the relationship of our dreams.

Too many smart, articulate and successful adults around the world go into relationships without deliberate intention, and with the belief that if it doesn’t work they can break up or get divorced.

That one concept is poison to the entire relationship-building process!

  • Decide that divorce is NOT an option.
  • Figure out who you are in the deepest recesses of your being.
  • Stop acting from fear.
  • Stop settling for anything in your relationship just being good enough!

Think of the relationship itself this way: When you and your partner join the many facets of your lives together, you create a third energy, the relationship. The relationship lives and breathes as its own entity; an entity that you are entrusted to guard and protect, nurture and care for.

Making and keeping agreements and commitments is one of the ways couples make that happen. It is vital that partners know in the deepest part of their being that they can count on the promises and assurances offered by their beloved.

In a long-term, primary, monogamous love relationship make agreements and commitments to each other AND to the relationship. Fanning the flames of romance and intimacy is another way couples keep their relationship strong. And that requires that each of you take responsibility for creating romance and intimacy in your relationship.

Whatever you believe is true, is! Be deliberate. Be intentional. Believe you can have what you want!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright © 2017 by Dr. Jackie Black and the Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Dr. Jackie Black, is a Marriage Educator, Author and Coach; the co-developer of RCI's Couples Coach Training Program; and the creator of the new, 7-week, online, multimedia learning experience for couples facing life-threatening and chronic illness. She is a popular Internet syndicated columnist, a highly regarded relationship blogger and podcaster, and a frequent guest expert on traditional and Internet radio throughout the world. Connect with Dr. Jackie at

Ask Our Coaches

How important is "romance" for a good relationship?

Dear Coaches,

I'm engaged to a great guy. He makes me laugh and he makes me feel secure and loved, but he does not like traditional "romantic" gestures. He doesn't believe in giving flowers or gifts for no reason and he makes fun of people who talk about romancing their partners. I'm sad when I think that I might spend the rest of my life without romance but I'm also sad thinking about not having him in my life. Should I be worried or just accept him as he is?

Rhoda Ondov

Rhoda responds...

Romance comes in many forms, and lies in the eye of the beholder. Traditional "romantic" gestures are usually appreciated, but do not necessarily convey true feelings, especially when they are derived because they are expected.

If your boyfriend makes you feel truly loved, that is what the real meaning of romance is. You do not need to hold him to any standard based on what others do. Appreciate his love; you are truly lucky.

Rhoda Ondov |

Wendy Lyon

Wendy responds...

Congratulations on your engagement! It sounds like you two are ready for an honest conversation about what you want in your relationship. Let him know that you love how secure and loved you feel around him and how much fun you have with him. And let him know how much you enjoy romantic gestures – flowers, gifts, surprises etc. You can tell him that these romantic gestures would help you feel loved, open you up to deeper intimacy and sensuality, and strengthen your relationship.

Perhaps you can also shower him with your own romantic gestures and see how he enjoys the attention. Take this opportunity to ask him what he truly wants. If you can both meet each other's needs, your marriage can be blissful. However, if he refuses to bring any romance into your relationship, could you be happy with him? You shouldn't have to sacrifice anything that is so important to you and you deserve to have some romance in your life. The two of you may want to discuss this with a relationship coach so you can be supported in creating a relationship that works for both of you.

Wendy Lyon |

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.


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