June 2017




Agreements: The Road Map for Success

By: Dr Jackie Black

Effective Agreements
Life is an ongoing process of creating agreements with others. An effective agreement means more than getting another person to do what you want. It means a true commitment from both people.

Successful Agreements
Your overall effectiveness in making and honoring agreements is greatly increased if you pay attention to three important elements:

  1. Clarify your personal values.
  2. Clarify your Vision as an individual.
  3. Clarify your Vision and Purpose as a Couple.
These three pieces will provide a strong foundation from which to commit to your agreements and achieve more consistent and satisfying results.

The Road Map for Success
Success is an almost certainty when both partners keep their agreements. Success is certainly at risk if one person doesn’t keep his or her agreements.

Most couples have hopes and dreams, and desires and expectations. They establish goals and make commitments that are developed from a joint visioning process; a process that expresses an inclusive vision of desired outcomes; their road map to success!

Another way to look at this is that we join forces with others by forming agreements. Agreements are expressed in writing or verbally during very intentional conversations. Most of us have never learned how to craft effective, explicit agreements. It is a skill we were never taught, even though it is fundamental to all relationships and a basic life skill.

Ask yourself:

  • Are you a committed couple who is strengthening your bond and deepening your intimacy and trust day-by-day and year-by-year?
  • Are you engaging in meaningful family and work relationships and friendships, and asking for what you want, saying your real yes and your real no and hearing others who may be asking you for something.
  • Are you crafting agreements consciously and with intention?
  • Do you expect others to honor their agreements and commitments and do you intend to honor yours?

Whether you are a committed couple or an amazing singleton, as they call it in the UK, let's educate ourselves about agreements, commitments, boundaries, conflict, and fidelity. Let’s start risking being our deepest most magnificent selves!

Join me and let's start today!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright © 2017 by Dr. Jackie Black and the Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Dr. Jackie Black, is a Marriage Educator, Author and Coach; the co-developer of RCI's Couples Coach Training Program; and the creator of the new, 7-week, online, multimedia learning experience for couples facing life-threatening and chronic illness. She is a popular Internet syndicated columnist, a highly regarded relationship blogger and podcaster, and a frequent guest expert on traditional and Internet radio throughout the world. Connect with Dr. Jackie at www.DrJackieBlack.com

Ask Our Coaches

How can I get my wife to be more independent?

Dear Coaches,

My wife is totally dependent on her parents. She's 35 years old and we've been married for 11 years and have 2 children but she still can't do anything without checking with them first. She doesn't work and they give her money every week, so she has no incentive to find a job. They do everything for her, including trying to raise our sons. I'm very frustrated and can't seem to get her to understand that this is jeopardizing our relationship. What can I do to get her to grow up and be more independent?

Kristen Hill

Kristen responds...

The best thing you can do is be understanding and to try to meet her where she is at. If she feels that you are unaccepting of her, the natural response is to feel defensive or misunderstood.  One of the greatest things a partner can do is try to understand their partner's relationship with their parents and encourage their growth.  There are a couple of things you can do to be gentle, but at the same time, encouraging.

Meet her where she is at:  
What is she dealing with?
What safety does she find in being with her parents? 
Go sit with her and tell her you care about her and that you want to understand her relationship with her parents.

Understand her:
Why does she feel the need to check with her parents on things?
What are her fears?
Is she afraid she will fail and of what you will think her?

Ask her what she wants:
What does she want for her life?
And for your lives together?
Encourage her to dream big! And share your dreams too. Even if you aren't sure how you will achieve them!

Then go to work on that. Love her and encourage her. And let her know you are always by her side through her growth. And that you want to be someone who she can share everything with; her hopes, dreams, fears and deepest desires.

To your loving and connected relationship.

Kristen Hill | www.kristen-hill.com/7reasons

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.


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