July 2017




Re-energize and Celebrate Your Love!

By: Dr Jackie Black

Relationships are like bank accounts. If you keep pulling money out without making deposits you will go bankrupt. What does the balance sheet of your love life look like?

You know, relationships are living breathing entities. Our investment of deliberate intention, and focused time, energy and attention is the order of the day. Your relationship can't wait until it is convenient for you; or until you have finished everything on your to-do list; or until you are at leisure.

Being a successful Sweetheart and being a successful career person at the same time requires some serious intention, investment and commitment from both partners. Relationships grow and flourish when both people show up and make consistent deposits. One person alone, even if that one person makes huge deposits, cannot build and maintain a joyful, satisfying relationship for both of you.

Do you spend more time each week watching television or commuting to work than you do alone with your beloved? Or are you too busy to even have a beloved?

I think you'd agree that to keep that spark alive, you and your partner must spend quality, eyeball-to-eyeball time together.

Think back to when you first started dating. What did you do? What things did you both enjoy that you no longer make time to do?

Remind yourself, and each other, of all the reasons you fell in love.

Let your creative juices flow! Let your imagination go wild! Anything goes. This is the most important person in your life. Rejoice! Celebrate yourself and each other.

And if you haven't met your special someone yet, the person who matches your values and makes your heart sing—remember, when you are actively engaged in the life that you love you more easily attract the love of your life!

Remember, only YOU can make it happen!

Copyright © 2017 by Dr. Jackie Black and the Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Dr. Jackie Black, is a Marriage Educator, Author and Coach; the co-developer of RCI's Couples Coach Training Program; and the creator of the new, 7-week, online, multimedia learning experience for couples facing life-threatening and chronic illness. She is a popular Internet syndicated columnist, a highly regarded relationship blogger and podcaster, and a frequent guest expert on traditional and Internet radio throughout the world. Connect with Dr. Jackie at www.DrJackieBlack.com

Ask Our Coaches

My husband is too jealous. How do I get him to trust me?

Dear Coaches,

My husband has always been very jealous. We have been married for over 15 years and he hates to let me out of his sight for fear that some other man will flirt with me. He drives me to work and picks me up every day just because he wants my male coworkers to know I am "taken" and he gets very upset when a man even talks to me. In most other ways he's a great guy but I feel like he's smothering me with his jealousy and no matter how much I talk to him about it he doesn't change. What can I do to make him understand I can be trusted?

Marcy Rich

Marcy responds...

I am making the assumption you have given him no overt or covert reason to distrust you. Therefore, his attitude, thoughts and behaviors are totally his. You are owning his problems rather than allowing him to take possession of what is underlying his behavior. Start by releasing your hold on his problem and being a victim to his issues. Jealousy is an emotion and as such is usually a response or reaction to an event or situation that triggers a memory of an early in life experience. This very well could be the case with your husband.

The direction to take which will probably get both of you better results is to uncover the root cause driving his beliefs. Your responsibility is not to put yourself on the defensive and try to make him understand you can be trusted. There really is nothing for you to defend. Since more often than not, a personal deep level reason as to what we do and how we show up in our relationship exists. Your responsibility, then as his wife is to help him heal and grow. You have tried talking-now consider the support of a third party neutral to facilitate this process.

Marcy Rich | http://marcyrich.com

Dr. Wendy Lyon

Dr. Wendy responds...

Thank you for sharing your concerns about your jealous husband. For over 15 years you've been tolerating this behavior and it sounds like you can't take any more of his smothering. So, what can you do to make him understand that you can be trusted?

If your words and actions haven’t worked so far, I recommend that the two of you seek expert help from a relationship coach or counselor. This will give you both an impartial mediator and guide to help you understand the fears behind the jealousy, establish trust in your relationship and improve communication and intimacy between you.

This is also an opportunity for both of you to clarify your needs and wants in your relationship and connect more deeply with each other. I wish you well and would be happy to support you on your journey to a more fulfilling marriage.

Dr. Wendy Lyon | http://www.DrWendyLyon.com

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.


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