March 2016
Conscious Dating Singles News - March 2016



8 Quotes to Help you Stay Sane While Single

By: Teena Evert

Don't lose perspective.

When you're single and looking for love, it's easy to start viewing the solo life as a pesky disease you're trying to get rid of. But, the truth is - savoring your single status is an essential part of finding true and lasting love. It offers you an invaluable opportunity to grow into the best version of yourself while fine-tuning your understanding of what you want (and don't want) in a romantic relationship.

Yes, your emotions might feel up and down. But there is purpose in the frustration you feel. I promise.

The biggest secret to finding a relationship when you feel perpetually single is to start giving yourself, in the present, what you hope a wonderful partner will offer in the future. Show up for yourself 100 percent now while believing that "The One" is out there.

Sometimes, along the way, you just need a few reminders about how to handle the here-and-now of being single while keeping your goal of finding love on track.

Here are eight quotes to help you stay sane and truly enjoy being single (even if you're on the hunt for a relationship):

1. Don't let past mistakes influence your future.

"We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future." - Steve Maraboli

You have the power and insight to stop your next relationship from ending up like your last. Being single is an opportunity to clarify what you want in life. Now is the time to design that life in your mind and live each day in support of attracting that future.

2. Find the courage to start dating again.

"Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage." – Brene Brown

Dating to find new love will involve uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure, but being seen and loved for who you are is one of life's most fulfilling experiences. There is courage in vulnerability. Be brave and put your true self out there.

3. Don't forget to have fun.

"Not everything in life has to be about finding "The One." Sometimes a girl just wants to have fun." – Mandy Hale

You can live a fun and fulfilling life with or without a man. If you’re happy with your life as it is, then there's no reason to obsessively look for "The One." Engaging in fun activities makes you an attractive single which just might help you magnetize your perfect match (when the time is right).

4. Focus on your life, not on finding a man.

"Sometimes the best thing you can do is not think, not wonder, not imagine, not obsess. Just breathe, and have faith that everything will work out for the best." – Unknown

Don't let your relationship status eat up more of your thoughts than managing your finances or making plans for the day at hand. Cut the excess stress out of your life and enjoy exactly where you are along your journey. You are still a whole person with a full life whether there's a man in the picture or not.

5. Savor the uncertainty of how long you'll be single.

"Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security." - John Allen Paulos

Being single is a rich opportunity to reconnect with yourself, a time of reflection, a time of acceptance and letting go of the past so you can welcome new experiences and adventures today!

6. Decide you're worth the effort, here and now.

"I think we are going to have to love ourselves..." - Liz Tuccillo

The most important decision of your life, the one that affects every other decision you make, is the commitment you make to love and accept yourself. Hint: Loving yourself is not a onetime event - it's an ongoing process. But remember, if you don't find yourself worth the effort ... why would anyone else? So, treat yourself well.

7. Make consistent exercise a top priority.

"Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate." - Charles M. Schulz

Exercise not only helps you stay slim and attractive, it releases endorphins, which make you feel happy. This helps you stay both physically and emotionally fit.

8. Celebrate the perks of living life on your own terms.

"Just embrace it and do exactly what you always wanted to do. You’ll be fine." - Cathie Roberts

Being single means you're free to enjoy any activity you want (without having to check in with a partner). You can volunteer more, make new friends, explore your community, and even advance your career. So go for it!

Trust me, the grass is not always greener on the other side.

Being in a relationship is wonderful ... but, so is being single! Love the amazing life you have now and, before you know it, "true love" will become a part of it, too.

Copyright © 2016 by Teena Evert and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Teena Evert, LMFT works with single divorcees who desire an authentic partnership, but hate dating and struggle with attracting the right man to cultivate a healthy love life with. Teena is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Colorado, relationship and dating coach, and author. www.ignitelovenow.com

Ask Our Coaches

We're incompatible, but in love - can we turn things around?

Dear Coaches,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months now and we are hardly happy with each other. We end up arguing about lots of things. She is almost angry about everything whether it's my fault or hers. It's like we are incompatible but yet still we love each other.

I've tried countless times to make her happy, but nothing works. Can we turn things around?

Kemi Sogunle

Kemi responds ...

I'm sorry to hear that things are not going well for you and your girlfriend at the moment. Have you tried to identify your needs and see if your goals and vision match up? Where do you both see each other in the next 5 years? Is there a way you both can meet each other half-way? Does she have any underlying issues she is not talking about (for example, painful past experiences that she needs to deal with)?

Examining these may help you pin down on what is leading to you having unresolved conflicts.

Kemi Sogunle | www.kemisogunle.com

Kemi Sogunle

Barbara responds ...

There seems to be several complaints about the relationship here, and none of them seems to be positive or healthy. What do you love about this relationship or the other person in the relationship? If nothing about this relationship changed for its duration, how does this sit with you? Is it worth it for you to continue to be unhappy and in this relationship? Something for you to think about.

The information here is limited to provide clear possibilities, but some to consider would be to rule out any type of medical/mental/emotional issues that may create these repeated scenarios for the both of you. Age may also be a factor. Another important item to note is that no one can make another person happy. Happiness is an individual responsibility. In fact, a happy individual has the makings for a happy relationship. So there’s individual work to do here. Then it will be up to each person to decide as to how to move forward. With that said, things always have the potential to turn around when two people care and diligently work at it. Wishing you the best!

Barbara Williams | www.barbaraannwilliams.com

Wendy Lyon

Wendy responds ...

First, I invite you to consider why you and your girlfriend are dating. I would guess that you hooked up, had fun and fell into a relationship. Now you are arguing a lot and not having much fun. It’s possible that the love you are experiencing is something more like lust, attraction, or infatuation. It seems that you got involved without considering what you really need in a relationship. Can you imagine being happy together if nothing ever changed?

I invite you both to take the time to explore your visions for the future, your essential relationship requirements (the deal breakers that you can’t live without) and what you both need to be happy. Perhaps your girlfriend would like to identify what is making her angry, and get support to work through the anger, whether you stay together or not. When you take the time to explore (preferably with professional guidance), either the incompatibilities between you will be too obvious to ignore, or you’ll find a way to negotiate a relationship that works. I wish you well and may you enjoy both love and compatibility with the right partner for you!

Wendy Lyon | www.DrWendyLyon.com

Michelle Zelig

Michelle responds ...

The first thing is I commend you for trying 'countless times to make her happy'. It's a shame that nothing appears to be working.

What I would recommend, if you haven't already done this, is to work with a relationship coach to create your list of your non-negotiables - your requirements to see if your girlfriend actually meets your requirements. It would actually be a great exercise for you guys to do it together and that way you get to see if you meet each other's requirements. If you don't this could be one reason that you are constantly arguing.

If you do meet each other's requirements, by doing this exercise together it will create some great discussions and hopefully will bring you closer.

Michelle Zelig | www.personalpowerinternational.com

Lynn Goodacre

Lynn responds ...

Dating is a wonderful opportunity to take a relationship for a "test drive." You are able to experience being with a partner under various circumstances and decide whether or not you want to have a future together.

From how you've described things, you and your girlfriend aren't very happy. It sounds like you’re trying really hard but nothing is working – and she is angry about a lot of things.

Maybe you love each other because you have great chemistry. Maybe you have some interests in common. How do you imagine a future together if nothing changed and if the past seven months stretched into seven years... or seven decades? Many people don’t stop to think about their vision for a relationship and who their ideal partner might be. Compatibility is a huge part of successful relationships along with shared values and good relationship skills. I invite you to ponder how you would like your future to be, and the traits of an ideal partner for the journey. Working with a relationship coach will help you to get clarity about who you are and what you want so you can make wise choices!

Lynn Goodacre | www.lovecoachlynn.com

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.


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