June 2016
Conscious Dating Singles News - June 2016


  • Featured Article
    Gardening Tips for Growing Great Relationships
  • Ask Our Coaches
    I like my best friend's, best friend. How can we make this work without anyone getting hurt?


Gardening Tips for Growing Great Relationships

By: Wendy Lyon

It's planting time in our garden and we're excited about nurturing the journey from little seeds to juicy red tomatoes, tasty cucumbers and sweet carrots. Sure, we can pick up our veggies at the market, but it's so nice to have our home grown, fresh delicious produce. My husband Steve loves tending to the garden. He's been busy spreading mulch and preparing the soil so it's rich and heathy, and he'll make sure the plants get plenty of water and all the sun and nutrients they need.

As parents of a young son (he's 5 now), we've learned that our relationships are a lot like our garden and they too need plenty of loving attention and care. Of course our son needs LOTS of love and attention (and water, food and sun too) but so does our couple relationship, and so do the other relationships in our lives, with family, friends, clients and colleagues.

In my work with hundreds of singles and couples, I've noticed that most people think relationships, especially the romantic love variety, should just happen spontaneously without any effort or preparation. They believe that they should know everything they need to know about relationships without asking. If you believe relationships should just happen magically like in fairytales, you'll expect your Prince (or Princess) Charming to just show up when you're going about your day. This is a popular fantasy in our culture, and most Hollywood movies and romance novels keep it going. We tend to believe that it's more romantic if you don't have any kind of relationship plan and just bump into someone when you're least expecting it, and then you live happily ever after (And how often does that really work out in real life?).

So, if you buy into the fairytale, you'll expect things to happen magically, and you won't bother learning about relationships or preparing to have a great relationship because you won’t think this is necessary. You may experience one relationship disappointment after another, but it's likely you'll focus your attention on things that seem more important like work and hobbies and will expect your relationships to take care of themselves.

As I've seen over and over again, this approach doesn't work. Most people come to me after experiencing yet another heartache and relationship disappointment, or they're tired of being alone and lonely. I help people to take responsibility for their lives and relationships, to transform their impeding beliefs that keep them stuck, and to create nurturing relationships with themselves and others.

Here are 3 steps you can take today to let more love into your life:

  1. Make relationships a priority. Don't take your relationships for granted. They are like flowers and vegetables in your garden that need attention and nurturing. Don't forget to give them the right nutrients and lots of love. You need to water and feed your relationships! Make time and space for the people in your life that you care about, and show them that you care. That means when you are with someone, be fully attentive, and really listen with interest and care. Don't go out to dinner with someone and spend half of the evening talking or texting with other people on your separate cell phones!
  2. If you don't have a partner and you want one, make finding a partner a priority! Make time in your schedule to meet and get to know people. Show up at events that interest you – get out and do the things you love! Make eye contact and connect with others when you’re out in the world. Let your friends, family and co-workers know you're looking, and use the Internet to connect with people. Make time for a partner in your schedule, and make room for a partner in your life. Make a habit of showing up fully present and giving your full attention to others, with interest and appreciation. People will love to be around you!
  3. If you want love in your life, get the support you need to create relationships that work. Your support team can include friends, family, colleagues, a coach, therapist, or group. There is plenty of supportive information available to you in books, teleclasses and on-line. You don't have to navigate this terrain alone. I would be happy to be on your support team, and can offer you personalized coaching or group courses to help you transform your life and create loving relationships that last. I invite you to take your own free True Love Test, order a signed copy of my book with Deepak Chopra, Roadmap to Success,and contact me for your complimentary Love Path consultation. You deserve nurturing relationships and true love in your life!

Copyright © 2016 by Dr. Wendy Lyon and The Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Dr. Wendy Lyon,has helped hundreds of individuals and couples to transform their lives and create great relationships for over 20 years, as a psychology professor, personal development teacher, master certified relationship and life coach, workshop and retreat facilitator, speaker, and author. She is the co-author of Roadmap to Success with Deepak Chopra and Ken Blanchard, and has been interviewed on ABC's View from the Bay and other TV and radio shows. There are a few spaces left in her upcoming Transformation and Yoga Retreat in Maui, Hawaii. See www.DrWendyLyon.com to learn more, get your free True Love Test and an excerpt of her Roadmap to Relationship Success.

Ask Our Coaches

I like my best friend's, best friend. How can we make this work without anyone getting hurt?

Dear Coaches,

My best friend (a girl) has another best friend (a guy). While they never dated, they did "hook up" a few times. Now they're just really great friends. I really like the guy and he really likes me, but we're both worried about how it will affect our relationships with her if we get serious. How can we make this work without anyone getting hurt?

Wendy Lyon

Wendy responds ...

You and your two friends have a great opportunity for open, direct communication, telling the truth honestly and honoring each other's feelings. It would probably be easier for your female friend to hear from one of you at a time and it can be as simple as "'Guy' and I really like each other and we are interested in dating. I want to make sure you would be comfortable with that because I care about you very much and wouldn't want to hurt you. How would you feel if your two best friends were a couple?"

And, despite everyone's best intentions, there's no guarantee that someone won't get hurt. Just make sure you don't withhold important information from each other, do treat each other with respect and share your concerns openly.

Wendy Lyon | www.DrWendyLyon.com

Lewis Denbaum

Lewis responds ...

Unfortunately, you have no control over whether your girlfriend will choose to feel hurt. Firstly, she may feel hurt that you didn't trust her with the information before you two got involved. In that case, it may be too late. Even if you and your boyfriend eventually break up and then you tell her, she may be upset that you didn't trust her. Second issue: she may feel jealous that you have a boyfriend and she doesn't. She is likely to feel hurt until she is in a relationship. Third issue: she may feel abandoned by both of you. While you and your boyfriend are hanging out, she doesn't get to be with either of you. The old cliché holds true here: honesty is the best policy. Sorry. You must face your fear and tell her. To preserve your friendship, I suggest you tell her soon. Rather than you and the guy telling her together, I would tell her that you both wanted her to know and decided that you would be the one to tell her. Be understanding. Acknowledge her feelings. At the same time, know that you have the right to investigate a relationship with your boyfriend.

Lewis Denbaum | www.madlyinloveforever.com

Kemi Sogunle

Kemi responds ...

How loyal are you to your friend? Have you both (you and the guy) tried to sit your friend down and make your intentions known to her? Do you think having a conversation with her and letting her know you both like each other will help move things forward? Have you also had a conversation with the guy to find out if your requirements, needs and wants will be met? Think about these and try to hold a conversation with your friend and the guy to get a good understanding of where your friend stands. This may help you all move forward without hurting anyone.

Kemi Sogunle | www.kemisogunle.com

The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.


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