IN THIS ISSUE:
Single AgainBy: Marianne Oheser
The thought of facing the dating scene again, especially after a long-term relationship, is daunting to say the least. I know. It happened to me when I was 51. With the divorce rate among 50 - 69 year-olds increasing significantly over the past generation, more of us are facing this challenge.
There are two important things to keep in mind as you venture back into the dating world -- be aware of what to expect and know what you want.
The old stereotype -- men and women in midlife and beyond were too old for sex, love, or marriage -- has disappeared. The good news is that there are a lot of singles out there.
According to the 2010 Census, 36% of those ages 45 – 64 are single and there are a lot more ways of finding them than there were 20 years ago.
In a study conducted by AARP in 2003 among single men and women ages 40 – 69, singles reported that 59% are open to dating but only 32% of them are doing anything about it. A little less than one-third of the group is in exclusive relationships and only 9% are not interested in dating at all.
Singles say that:
Today there are many avenues for dating
Dating does not necessarily lead to marriage
Benefits of Dating
Sliding vs. Deciding
Copyright 2016 by Marianne Oehser. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Marianne Oehser, is a Certified Relationship Coach and educator. She owns Between Two Hearts, LLC which specializes in helping clients work through mid-life transitions, such as retirement, empty-nests, single again, and remarrying in mid-life. She received her training through Relationship Coaching Institute, the largest international relationship coaching training organization. www.Between2Hearts.com
Can you please give me advice about dating after being divorced?
I have been divorced from my husband for almost two years now. We were married for 26 years. Our kids are grown and I am finally in a place of peace and happiness. I am a little hesitant to get out and start dating, but I want to try. It has been a long time since I have dated and times have definitely changed.
I just want dating to be simple and have fun with the journey. Can you please give me advice about dating after being divorced?
- Joan, from California
Christy responds ...
Welcome to dating after divorce! When venturing back into dating after marriage, be gentle with yourself as you get started. Begin by taking inventory of your interests, hobbies or passions.
If you're currently involved in organizations or groups pay attention to the men who are involved. Dating someone who shares common interests could be easier and definitely more fun. If you don't currently belong to a group, consider joining a group, like a hiking club or dance studio. Websites like www.MeetUp.com have lots of options for finding groups of like-minded people who share the same interests.
If you're not confident about flirting - practice! Practicing allows you to get some experience with mingling and holding conversations with the opposite sex without the pressure. How? Just by saying hello to men, or talking about the weather, or commenting on a topic, you will get into the swing of how to have a friendly conversation so you are less likely to feel tongue-tied when on a date.
What you're going for here is getting comfortable being yourself. When you practice casual conversations, you just may find that you are having fun, getting to know men and having great dates.
Christy Moore | www.MooreJoyCoaching.com
Wendy responds ...
First of all, congratulations for having the courage to consider dating after your divorce. At this stage in your life, with grown children and feeling peaceful and happy, you are actually in the ideal place to have fun with the dating journey.
I recommend that you take time to discover what you really want in your life now. Perhaps you'd like to enjoy some playful "recreational" dating or maybe you'd like to consider what is necessary for you to be happy in a long-term relationship.
It's so important to gain clarity about your vision for the future you'd like, where your values are honored and you are living your life purpose. Ideally, you'll identify your essential relationship requirements and needs before you start dating…that way you can avoid a lot of heartache and disappointment.
This is your time to create the next chapter in your life. It may be daunting to try to do this all on your own. I highly recommend getting support to help make your journey as empowering and delightful as it can be!
Wendy Lyon, PhD | www.DrWendyLyon.com
Anita responds ...
Congratulations! Having inner peace and happiness is a great accomplishment, and one people are still striving to achieve.
Before jumping on the dating scene, here are some ideas:
Get a new journal from a favorite bookstore and start crafting what your values are today: What do you value? What did you overcome? What have you achieved? Now that you are on a new platform of life as a single and happy individual, this is a GREAT time to review what you've learned from your experiences and what your new intentions will be.
Start imagining your limits: What are your dealbreakers? Create a vision board that spotlights your ambitions. You are never too old to say to yourself, "Who do I want to be when I grow up?" Because we are always growing, evolving and changing over time.
When you start sketching out the greatness of who you are today, along with your ambitions, you'll unlock thoughts, opportunities and incredible energy that might propel you into the relationship world with your arms open, your eyes lit up and your smile from ear to ear.
Embrace your moment and enjoy this time, and dates will soon become the result of your effort.
Anita Myers | www.innerscopeconsulting.com
The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
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