IN THIS ISSUE:
Using the Law of Attraction to Find the Love of Your LifeBy Nicole Keefler
We attract the things in our lives that we think and feel about the most. Whether they be positive or negative. According to Law of Attraction, the Universe doesn't distinguish between positive thoughts and feelings or negative thoughts and feelings... it just resonates and answers to whatever is the strongest.
So if what you are saying to the Universe is "I really, really, really want to attract love!", but the stronger thing that is emanating from you is "I'm so scared of opening my heart again and getting hurt." If that is the stronger experience, then that is what you're going to draw into your life – not the experience of love.
How can you make your positive feelings stronger?
It's got to be a gradual thing. You can't really make this leap from going into a visualization of "Oh, I'm with my soul mate, I'm so happy, everything is wonderful", but the reality you are facing is "every single person I meet is a mismatch, or they don't call me back, or I'm chronically disappointed." The two are just too far apart. So the way you have to get there is in gradual steps.
I ended a 22 year marriage with a lot of battle scars – I couldn't go right from that to "I'm going to meet this great, loving, wonderful guy..." My brain wouldn't have even resonated with that. As the energy of that old relationship dissipates and leaves me, I have been able to attract nicer, and kinder, and more authentic men. I can see that when I began dating, I was dating men that had similar qualities to my former husband, but as I worked through that and left that, I thought "no more of that for me – I'm moving on to better things." So, I met someone better, then someone better. Each one has allowed me to go realize what I really want, or don't want in a relationship. And about the choices and patterns I've made over the years that haven't served me.
You want a different result? Re-write your story.
According to Abraham Hicks, the way to make the Law of Attraction work for you is to "Tell a Different Story". The story we tell ourselves keeps repeating -
And that becomes your story. And you keep telling it and telling it. So the Universe listens to your story and delivers the same thing. If you want the Law of Attraction to work for you, you need to tell another story. But not just intellectually telling your new story – you need to get excited about it. Really FEELING it and getting goose-bumpy about it. The Universe can start hearing that new story instead.
At first, you do some pretending – you try it out. Just like with Conscious Dating, you make a conscious effort not to stay stuck in the old story. Make the choice. Listen to the new story, and even for a second, just allow yourself to go into the possibility of being with the person that you love that just adores you back. Just even believing the possibility will start to move you out of that vibration. Then, you literally practice it every day. Once you start telling that new, make-believe story that feels better, you can just stay there. Maybe 30 seconds today, maybe 1 minute tomorrow, and add on to it.
Experience it like, "This feels so good and true. So sure. So safe. So much fun. So real. So loving. So deep. So passionate." Pretty soon, it doesn't feel like a make believe story, but a vision for your future that you imagine and feel is happening right now. That becomes the point that you attract from. But make sure you are already feeling good when you do this. You want to attract from a feel - good place. So do something that makes you feel good - listen to some music, watch your favorite comedy show and laugh your head off. Just do something. Anything that gets you into a good feeling place and then do your visualizing and feeling from there.
Use gratitude to get The Law of Attraction to work for you.
You'll want to remember the importance of gratitude especially when you are feeling low. Spend a few moments each day just being in gratitude for the good things that you have in your life. It can be really basic. And I mean really basic. Like, I love waking up in my cozy bed in the morning. I love how my head feels against my pillow, I love looking outside and seeing the beautiful blue sky. I love my first cup of coffee in the morning. I love my dog. Etc. Just doing a little one minute appreciation rampage every day helps to lift your vibration out of that place of discouragement into one of appreciation and that is a much better place to attract from.
Copyright © 2015 by Nicole Keefler. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
Nicole Keefler, BFA, had worked extensively with men and women who suffer from anxiety disorders and is the past Executive Director of the Anxiety Disorders Association of Canada. She is currently training to become a relationship coach and has been studying and using Law of Attraction in her life for over ten years with often dramatic results.
I can't attract women I like. Where am I going wrong?
I just can't attract the women I like, or have a crush on. Story of my life so far. I attended a course to raise my vibration frequency to attract someone, but still no change. Where did I go wrong to make it like this?!
Someone who does horoscopes once told me the stars in the house of relationship are bad in mine. I forgot about it, but now I wonder was he right and what to do?
People who look less attractive and have worse character can find a partner, why not me?
- Signed "Not destined for love"
Wendy responds ...
It can be frustrating and discouraging when the women you are interested in don't seem to be interested in you.
The good news is that you are not doomed to a life of loneliness and your fate is not pre-determined by the stars. Just because the story of your life so far hasn't been ideal, doesn't mean you must keep repeating the same story.
Rather than focusing your attention on what's wrong, imagine what you'd like to have in your life. What if you could write the next chapter in your life story? What kind of love story would it be? What if the woman you are looking for is also looking for you?
For you to boldly create your new life requires that you identify and release fears and doubts that hold you back, and develop confidence in yourself and clarity in your vision. To do this on your own can be daunting, even after attending a course to raise your vibration frequency.
You deserve to have the kind of loving relationship you want, and support is available so you can quickly shift your viewpoint and change your life story to the love story you desire!
Wendy Lyon | www.DrWendyLyon.com
Barbara responds ...
Thank you for continuously reaching out and not giving up on yourself. That says to me that somewhere inside you, you know something is off and can be corrected. It's been said that if you get enough NO's, you're bound to reach your YES, sooner or later. I suspect you're closer than you think. Congratulations for that!
It appears that this is a mindset issue. Sounds like something happened that caused you to get stuck in this thought pattern and you matched it with a feeling frequency that set you on a course of what you're experiencing to date.
If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change as well. Change your thinking and the way you feel about things and this will influence future behavior. For example: You say you can't attract women you like. Now say, I can and do attract women I like. How about that!
Change your story to be what you want it to be and act as if it is so. People admire and are attracted to confidence. This can begin a new way of thinking for you.
Barbara A. Williams | www.barbaraannwilliams.com
Rita responds ...
The first place to start is by addressing the gremlins in your mind. Some of your verbiage sounds like a defeatist: "Story of my life", "where did I go wrong?", "I can't attract women", "why not me?" Those statements reflect your beliefs and women will pick up on that and not be attracted to that.
The good news is you can change that starting today. You have to start with yourself. Begin by looking at your strengths; what are they? Own them, embrace them, and live them.
What are your core values, do you have unmet needs that need to be addressed? What is your purpose in life, what are your passions? Basically going on a journey of discovery with who YOU are, will take you to the person you want to be and magically will attract who you want.
You must be the person you want to attract. After you focus on yourself, then look at what you want in a relationship so you don't settle for something below your standards. What does your relationship history look like, are there certain patterns you continually attract? Invest in yourself by finding a relationship coach who can help you change your "stars". Good luck.
Rita Hudgens | www.opendoorlifecoach.com
Kemi responds ...
Do not be too hard on yourself. Dating is a gradual process of trying to find who fits and will complement you while sharing values.
Here are a few things you can try:
Kemi Sogunle | www.kemisogunle.com
Leah responds ...
You asked a really good question: Why not me?
Given your lack of results, perhaps taking a step back and really reviewing your own behavior would give you the answer you seek. For example, are you listening more than you are talking or talking more than listening? Are you genuinely interested in the people you meet? Or are you focused on whether something will come of the contact?
What are you putting out there to let others know who you are? Really inspect your approach when meeting others, and not just those who are prospects. Role-play it with a friend if you can, and take to heart their feedback about your style.
If you come across as desperate, your prospects will miss out on meeting the real you. So polish up your genuine, generous side, let go of the outcome, and just be yourself!
Leah Cochrane | www.leahcochrane.com
Maeve responds ...
Firstly, thank you for taking the time to seek support for your dating and relationship challenge. It takes courage to acknowledge you have a problem that requires exploration to find a solution.
Your initial statement about being unable to attract a woman you like or have a crush on, followed by the declaration "Story of my life so far," could be a clue as to what your issue is. When you run a story like this, you look for evidence in life to prove the point. You create it, and so it is.
Whilst you've attended relationship courses, you believe that because nothing changed, it means you have done something wrong. Without knowing more about the course you took or whether you took action from the course, I can't make a comment about this experience.
You have backed up your case with a concluding story about someone who reads horoscopes informing you that the stars in the house of relationship are bad in yours.
These are all limiting beliefs, which are holding you back from experiencing the love life you desire. Perhaps it's time to change the story you're telling yourself.
I invite you to take a look at each of the above statements and rephrase them so they become more positive. For example: "I can attract a woman I like." or "I am willing to believe I can attract a woman I like." You may feel some resistance at first, but don't give up, you can turn this around!
Maeve Crawford | www.maevecrawford.com
The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
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