IN THIS ISSUE:
Wishy - Washy About LoveBy Jennifer Fraser, CRC
Ever feel wishy - washy about finding love? You know, some days you feel confident that it's finally going to happen for you and other days you feel like you'll always be traveling down the road of singlehood?
It's not uncommon to experience this rollercoaster of emotion when the love you want hasn't shown up in your life yet. It feels like today you want love and tomorrow you don't care whether or not it actually happens for you.
While you probably don't know this, having this kind of ambivalence towards love can really derail your efforts and hold you back from the one thing you desire the most.
So, how can you prevent this love paralysis? First, firm up your belief in love. Just because things haven't worked out in the past doesn't mean that it won't ever happen. Start to believe that love is on the way for you and the BEST is yet to come!
Second, decide once and for all that you desire a loving, compatible partner. No more changing your mind about it. Set your intention that this is what you want for yourself and don't go back on it. The mere fact that you have this desire for an amazing partner means that you get to have him or her in your life. It's not a carrot that's dangled in front of your face that you have to chase after. You get love and you wouldn't have been given this desire for it without being able to have it come true.
Third, take a step towards the loving relationship you desire. What small action can you take today that will bring you closer to your goal? Pick up that phone, go to that event, create your dating profile, or get the extra support that you need that can give your love life a BOOST.
Remember, wishy - washy thinking yields wishy - washy results. Set your intention and move into action - no matter how small you think it is. By doing so, you'll be headed in the right direction and closer to the love and relationship you deeply desire.
Copyright © 2014 by Jennifer Fraser. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.
For more information and to claim your FREE special report, "10 Things You Can Do Right NOW to Attract Lasting Love!" visit www.balanceyourheart.com
Does the guy I am dating think our relationship is short term?
I have just started dating this guy. Recently, he booked a ski vacation with his friends 6 months from now. I usually don't think that far at this stage of dating. He only informed me after he'd booked and I can't stop feeling he was expecting me to say something. Does he know deep inside we wouldn't last that long? Would it have been better to let me know before he booked? Thank you, Coaches, for your brilliant work.
Angelis responds ...
I see no reason to think he does not see the relationship lasting because of the fact that he booked a ski vacation with his friends. If you know about Conscious Dating you see the importance of maintaining previous friendships and other activities while getting to know each other.
You just started dating this guy, hopefully he had a rich life before you met him. The fact that you don't plan that far in advance compared to him and his friends, is good information to have in your screening process. If you are not in an exclusive pre-committed relationship you as well as him are free to make plans with others.
Would it have been nice if he had invited you or inform you before booking the vacation? Maybe. It might have also put you in an awkward situation because you just started dating.
I get that it does not necessarily mean that he does not think it will last. My suggestion is simply to be curious and talk about it. The information you gather about him and how you match is very valuable. Remember that you want to get out of a dating situation as early as possible if the person you are dating does not meet all your requirements.
Empathy and honesty are at the core of healthy communication. Initiating open and clear communication from the beginning will always pay off.
Angelis Iglesias | www.mindheartcoach.org
Rita responds ...
Great question. First of all, are you in a committed relationship or are you two casually dating? Do you want to be in a committed relationship? If so, do you know if he is on the same page? Getting on the same page is foundational in dating.
In the meantime, invest in yourself. Know who you are, what you want and walk with complete confidence in your dating life. That's what is going to make you irresistibly attractive! Best of luck.
Rita Hudgens | www.opendoorlifecoach.com
Nina responds ...
You are way over thinking this. He is making conversation. He is probably looking forward to the trip with his buddies and just wants to share it with you. If you are just starting to date, he isn't thinking about getting your "permission" at all.
At this stage of your relationship, he has no obligation to mention it to you before or after he decides.
If he really likes you, he may say something like he would like to take a vacation with you. That is NOT an invitation, he is merely thinking out loud that you are a long term possibility. Your best response? To be happy for him! Make conversation by asking him questions about it as if you are interested in him and his trip. Let go of trying to control him by thinking he has to check in with you before planning his vacation with his buddies 6 months from now.
Nina Potter | www.ninapottercoach.com
Anita responds ...
New relationships have expectations, hope of compatibility and wonder of the unknown. Both parties come to the table with a set of habits, behaviors, actions and reactions. One critical action required to help in finding relation or compromise, and to assist in optimizing a growing relationship, is communication.
Step 1- You first:
Step 2 -Your significant other:
Anita Myers | www.innerscopeconsulting.com
Randy responds ...
If you have just started dating he has no obligation to discuss this plan with you in advance, and you have no reason to think that he would. Your feeling that he was expecting you to say something could have been paranoia, or maybe he was expecting you to get upset, but it sounds like you didn't, which is good.
Again, if you just started dating you should be filling your life with your own activities, including dating other guys, and not spend time worrying about what he is doing. If the relationship lasts for six months to a year, then you can start doing more long - term planning together.
Remember - there is an initial infactuation stage - it's all in the imagination and you should put literally no stock in the relationship during that time. And the first two years are a testing phase, where commitment can gradually increase, but the future of the relationship is still far from certain.
Randy Hurlburt | www.PartnersinLoveandCrime.com
Jennifer responds ...
It doesn't appear that there's a need to sound the alarm from what you described. Just because your new guy didn't consult with you prior to booking a trip with his friends, doesn't mean that you won't be in his life in six months. He could have been planning this trip with his buddies long before the two of you got together.
Take a deep breath and focus on getting to know your date better and connecting with him. It's also a great opportunity to have your own fun, maybe even with your girlfriends, as you continue to create and enjoy the life that you love.
Jennifer Fraser | www.balanceyourheart.com
The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.
This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.
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