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• Featured Article
  How to Identify your Perfect Mate
• Ask Our Coaches
  Where can I find someone to love?
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FEATURED Article

How to Identify your Perfect Mate

Believe it or not, finding your perfect mate is completely possible. But if you don't believe this, stop reading here, because the most important principle for success in anything is "What you believe you can achieve."

Here are the precise five steps you can take to find your perfect mate:

Step One: Allow yourself to be single

Sounds paradoxical, but if you want to find your perfect mate you must not be involved with people that aren't a good fit for you. Staying available (and single) can be hard, but necessary for finding the love of your life. Let your motto be "'I'd rather be single than settle!"

Step Two: Get ready

Wanting a relationship is not the same as being ready for one. Handle any unfinished business that might sabotage your future relationship- legal, financial, emotional baggage, kid issues, problems with your former partners, school or job demands, etc. It would be a tragedy to finally find your soul mate, only to have the relationship bomb because you weren't ready.

Step Three: Identify your top deal-breakers

You have non-negotiable relationship deal-breakers. What are they? Vow not to get involved with anyone that doesn't meet all of them.

Step Four: Find your perfect mate by following these Four Steps for Conscious Dating:

• Scouting (find compatible people to meet; on the internet, through friends, etc)
• Sorting (assess chemistry and quickly determine if someone you meet has potential)
• Screening (collect enough data to identify any possible relationship deal-breakers)
• Testing (date a few times and compare the reality with the data)

Implement these four steps as long as it takes to find your perfect mate (don't worry, it will happen faster than you think).

Step Five: Get support

Don't do this alone. Dating can be scary and isolating. Get a coach and lean on your friends and family for support to stay on track.

This is the most important relationship and journey of your life. Finding your perfect mate requires developing yourself and your life so that you're ready to attract and keep the love of your life. Be proactive and go after what you want instead of waiting for it to come to you, or hoping it will just "happen." Now, go for it!

Copyright © 2014 by David Steele. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

David Steele, MA. LMFT is founder of Relationship Coaching Institute and author of the ground-breaking book for singles- Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World.

For more information visit www.consciousdating.com

Ask Our Coaches

Where can I find someone to love?

Dear Coaches,

I'm determined this year to find someone and fall in love!

I just can't figure out anywhere to meet men except the bar scene and I don't even like going to bars. What else can I try?

~ Single in Seattle

Katriela responds ...

Being ready to find that Ideal Partner takes a lot of courage and inner strength. A Self-Readiness process, like the Conscious Dating program would help you clarify your values, determine your Relationship Requirements, Needs, and Wants, and create the life vision you want shared with your Ideal Partner.

Another consideration is being clear about your dating goals - are you looking for a recreational dating partner or an Ideal, Lifetime Partner?

Don't settle for falling in love. You deserve to grow in love with your Ideal Partner.

As for the bar scene - just avoid them. Get busy having a great time with your friends and loved ones. Meet new friends. Enjoy the many other activities you love! Being single is an opportunity for spiritual, intellectual, and emotional self-growth. Enjoy every moment of it.

Being a Successful Single is the important first step to being a Successful Couple. You will attract your Ideal Partner when you are busy living your values, fulfilling your life purpose, and being in joy.

Katriela Isaacson, CPC | www.committedmarriage.com

TaCreacia responds ...

Dating sites are sometimes frustrating and can be pricey. Try joining social groups that have outings.

Meetup.com is a great avenue to meet new people. They offer groups geared to singles as well as other of interest groups. Most are free to attend events (you pay for what events you attending) and there are always a lot of singles that are also interested in starting a new relationship.

TaCreacia S. Blunt, CLC | www.myblueprintproject.com

Betsy responds ...

In seeking how to meet prospective partners, consider personal interests that you would love to share with someone special. Would it be kayaking, movies, books, wine tastings...

In many cities, there are "Meetup groups" (found through www.meetup.com) organized around various interests. If there is not a group that interests you, then you could start one of your own.

Also consider organizations such as churches and environmental groups that host outings. Of course there is always on-line dating, but social gatherings offer a pressure free way of getting to know new people with shared interests and one of them may just be your next life partner.

Betsy Dorn | 919-434-6716

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

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