IN THIS ISSUE:

• Featured Article
  Finding Your Soul Mate
• Bonus Article
  Reflections on Looking for the "Perfect" Mate
• Ask Our Coaches
  Being single on Valentine's Day is hard...
• Relation-Tips
  
• Announcements
• For More Information...

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Finding Your Happily Ever After with Dr. Wendy Lyon

Let go of whatever has stopped you and finally find the love you want in 2014!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

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FEATURED Article

Finding Your Soul Mate

Over the last few years, I've spoken to a lot of people who have said they want to meet their soul mate. When I ask what a soul mate is, and what it means to them, they are unable to tell me. The conversation that follows is often about figuring out what it is they actually want to experience for their relationship and their life.

To answer this question for yourself, I encourage you to take a moment in your busy day to quiet your mind, relax and ask your higher self some important questions. When you ask these questions have a pen and notebook with you so you can write down the answers you hear:

• What is my definition of a soul mate?
• How can I make it so that my soul mate and I meet?
• What am I prepared to do to make my soul mate dream a reality?

What is a soul mate?
A soul mate is someone who shares a soul contract or agreement with you. In your life, you will meet many people. Some of these people are your soul mates. Soul mates come in many forms. They can be family members, friends, colleagues, business partners and yes romantic partners. There is a misconception about what a soul mate is, and many people don't believe they will ever find their soul mate because they believe there is only one person "out there" for them.

Soul mates provide you with support, encouragement and the right balance of challenge to help you with your personal growth. It feels warm, loving and expansive when you are in the presence of your soul mates.

To attract a soul mate into your life to experience the Divine love relationship you are deserving of, takes courage, wisdom and know how. It begins with self-love and expands from there.

How can I make sure my soul mate and I meet?
There are a few things you can do to make this a reality. First, begin with loving yourself. When you truly love yourself, you not only attract others into your life who will love you, but you will also make decisions for your life that honor and value who you are. Loving yourself is the first step. If you want to be in a relationship because you are lonely, unhappy, or thinking that someone else will make you feel better about yourself, you are not ready and will only attract people who may take advantage and not necessarily appreciate you.

You can also make it more likely by keeping an open mind and paying attention to the wonderful things your universe is always providing you, even when you don't think so. Keeping a gratitude journal is one thing you can do on a daily basis that will remind you of all you have to be grateful for. This sends a message to your universe to send you more of the same.

Imagine how you would feel being with your soul mate, and focus your attention on that feeling. This is the powerful key to attracting what you want in your life.

Relax. Enjoy. Smile. Be sociable. Be open to how life unfolds. Be ready for love!

Copyright © 2014 by Maeve Crawford . All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Maeve CrawfordThe Soul Mate Catalyst. Relationship Healer and Educator. Co-Creator and Teacher of "A Love Like No Other, A Spiritual Guide to Dating and Attracting Your Soul Mate." Create a Deep Soul Connection. A Meaningful Partnership. An Eternal Union. A Love that Transcends Time and Space.

For more information visit www.maevecrawford.com

Bonus Article

Reflections on Looking for the "Perfect" Mate

One of the most important things to remember as you reflect back on the individuals you went through to get to the "right" one, is forgiveness. The reason for this is because so many couples end up separating, splitting up, or divorcing and look back with so many regrets and tend to get stuck there; and when they get stuck there, they tend to take it into the next relationship. While forgiving the next person is most certainly a great idea, that's not the person I'm speaking of here in need of forgiveness. I'm speaking of you.

In a quote I heard used by Oprah Winfrey in defining forgiveness, she says it is "giving up the hope that the past could have been any different". I like this definition, and so when referring to forgiveness, this is what I mean; giving up the hope that the past could have been any different.

Part of healing is accepting responsibility. There might be some things from the past that you wish could be different; but when you think of something from the past that you wish could be different, you must also acknowledge the fact that if you were back then where you are right now mentally, emotionally, spiritually, self-aware, and present, then all you know as your past would be different; the good and the not so good. Can you live with that?

This may bring up a lot of pain experienced from your previous relationships; maybe even your current relationship. You might have done or allowed yourself to experience some things you now wish you had not. But if the outcome happened to be a child, or brought you into wealth and fame, or provided you some special favors, you may not want that part to change or be any different. It all goes together. You can't pick and choose the good and the not so good parts to keep and discard. With that, now maybe you can look at moving forward.

As you reflect, it's important to accept responsibility for not being present; for not being aware; for not being mentally, emotionally, and spiritually mature.

Accept responsibility for not being responsible for what was put in your charge; in your care; your self.

Accept responsibility for not knowing or understanding; for not seeking to know and understand what you didn't know and didn't understand; for not asking questions to clarify what you were thinking; for turning a deaf ear, a blind eye, or for being in denial of what was really happening.

Forgive yourself and all those involved in the excuses you tell yourself about why things happened as they did. Don't give it any more energy. Just forgive yourself. This is mainly who this is all about; you.

Some people get stuck in unforgiveness, not knowing that's where they are and why they can't seem to move forward, especially while looking for the "right" one. Here awareness is key. Once you are aware this is the reason you're not going anywhere, you must get to a place where you can say, "It happened", and work toward moving on from there. It's unhealthy to live in the space of "I wish" that had not happened; or "if only" that had not happened. In order to heal, accepting responsibility must take place.

Here are some suggestions for helping you to move forward.

• Create what you want for yourself now instead of being stuck in what you didn't have or didn't get.
• Surround yourself with healthy positive energy, beginning with your thoughts.
• When a memory is stirred, don't dwell there; acknowledge, welcome, embrace, and then let it go. This is your "AWE" moment. Remember you're past the "I wish it hadn't happened" because it did. Acknowledge. Welcome. Embrace. You can't let it go until you have embraced it, which is acceptance.
• When others bring up that part of your "past", don't chime in on the blame game with them, or go down the path of "remember what you did". Respectfully share, unfortunately I used to live there, but I have since moved, and choose to no longer visit. Thank you.

Copyright © 2014 by Barbara A Williams. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Barbara A Williams is a Board Certified Coach, a Professional Life Coach, and a Certified Relationship Coach for Singles and Couples. She is devoted to helping people look at and make necessary changes in the way they think, and how that thinking affects their everyday attitude, behavior, relationships with others, and ultimately their outlook on life.

For more information visit www.barbaraannwilliams.com

Ask Our Coaches

Being single on Valentine's Day is hard...

Dear Coaches,

I normally don't mind being single, but it's hard at Valentine's Day which is all about love and romance. I'm not seeing anyone right now, so it's even worse this year. Do you have any suggestions for me and others like me to get through this holiday?

~ Trina from San Francisco, CA

 

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Katriela responds ...

Many singles are uncomfortable facing holidays alone. At first glance, it seems we live in a society that promotes being married, being a couple.

In truth, being single is an incredible and unique opportunity. You can be totally selfish (and be clear on your deepest needs and requirements). Only then can you truly hope to find a Lifelong Partner with whom you can share and co-create a life purpose and vision.

This is an opportunity for great self-reflection. What kind of home do you want to create? What kind of marriage do you want; and what would that look like 5 years from now, 10 years from now, 25 years from now, and even 50 years from now?

Being single is not a disease, as David Steele, MFT would say. It's a great opportunity to reflect on your past relationships - what worked or what didn't work for you? What relationship skills do you need to develop?

So ask yourself, are you now, living the life that you love? Be a successful single, and then you will attract your Ideal Partner. And it's amazing how quickly you will attract your Ideal Partner when you are clear and certain about your own life.

Valentine's Day was originally a celebration of committed love - of marriage. It wasn't until much later that it became associated with romance. And as you will realize, when you find your Ideal Partner, the romance of committed, lifelong love far outshines the most romantic affair Hollywood can produce.

Katriela Isaacson, CPC | www.committedmarriage.com

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Susan responds ...

I hear how tough the pressures of Valentine's Day can be. The commercials, the friends who are in relationships, the endless jewelry ads. It can all feel like an onslaught of cultural programming and can bring up a lot of feelings and beliefs about where things are for you right now.

My feedback to you includes a couple of options:

Option 1: If you have other singles friends, plan something for the group of you that celebrates your friendships and just go out and have a great time.

Option 2: Do your own thing, something special to honor and celebrate yourself.

Option 3: Take the opportunity as a day of healing and growth -- Do some reflection about what you make it mean about yourself that you aren't with someone right now. Just reflect, release until you feel peaceful about it.

The needless pressure in our culture with certain holidays can again trigger feelings about one's relationship status. Believe it or not, there are couples who struggle through these holidays as well due to high expectations of what their partner should do for them, so as a single woman, you are not alone in feeling as you do.

Be present of the love you have for yourself and how best to honor that this year. Next year things may be different for you and certainly hiring a coach can help you change your relationship status and celebrate Valentine's day with a partner, but for now, you are the someone special and you can celebrate and honor that.

Susan Ortolano | www.conscioussoulmates.com

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Terri responds ...

Join in and spread the love! There are lots of great ways to treat yourself, or enjoy the holiday as a single, but I believe the most rewarding way is to spend it loving others!

Volunteer at a Pet Rescue: love some of our four-legged friends.

Volunteer to feed the homeless: think about how much they might like something special this year!/

Give a random donation or gift: find someone, or some organization, to bless with your generosity. It doesn't have to be money, your gift can be time, gift cards, sweet treats...anything!

Make a game out of it: strive to be loving to everyone you meet, or do 10 loving acts on Valentine's Day.

Giving love is a powerful gift, and you might find it attracts someone loving right into your path! You never know!

Terri Hase | www.BetterYouProject.org

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Dr. Dar responds ...

Valentine's Day can be the most difficult time of the year for a single person. Here are my remedies for transforming your Valentine's day into Self-Love Day!

a) Valentine's day is more about Love than anything in spite of what the advertisers and marketers want you to think. Plan 3 things you can do by yourself or with friends that you absolutely love to do on V-day week.

b) Take a vacation that week from television, going out to dinner where couples go, and any other things you do that remind you that you are single. It's an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.

c) Remember that Father Time heals all wounds. I suggest you take the time to contemplate what Love is for you, what your future relationship is like, dream about your partner who is waiting to meet you...and jot that all down in a special notebook called your Dream Manifesting Journal. You can spend 24 hours enjoying putting together your dreams of your future relationship. This is my favorite way of getting through Valentine's Day.

Dreaming is a lot of fun, whereas, wishing for something you don't have is depressing.

Choose to DREAM!

Dr. Dar | www.StopBeingSingle.com

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Barbara responds...

We tend to make Valentine's Day a special time to do special things for special people in our lives. It's a day that's filled with love, excitement, and expectations. Often we focus on receiving during this time and not so much on the giving.

This might be just the year for you to treat you as the special one. Go out and treat yourself special on this special day. And if you know someone else who may be experiencing the same thing, invite them to join in.

Here's to being a Happy Valentine.

Barbara A Williams | www.barbaraannwilliams.com

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Carol responds...

Valentine's Day can be a difficult time of the year, especially if you are single, but every situation can be an opportunity for growth and personal development if we recognise it as such.

Perhaps now is a good time for you to focus on who you are, what you are looking for and most importantly, loving yourself. Yes, I know that probably sounds a rubbish suggestion when what you really want is someone to love you.

But bear with me... Learning to really love yourself is a vital step towards being able to unconditionally love someone else. The more you can enjoy your own company, look in the mirror and like what you see, and feel really good about yourself, the better place you will be in to attract someone who is also comfortable in his or her own skin. When we don't really love ourselves, we tend to come into relationships with needs that we want the other person to meet. That is never going to fully happen. So the more we can feel good about ourselves, the more we can relax in a new relationship and let it develop naturally and easily.

Carol Page | www.new-relationship.com

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This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Relation-Tips

How to make this Valentine's Day Special for your date...

First and foremost find out (through your date or his/her friends and family) what their Love Language is.

Gifts - flowers/ perfume/ chocolate
Words of Affirmation - a beautiful hand written letter
Acts of Service - prepare a dinner for your date
Quality Time - a candlelit evening of sharing/ connecting/ being fully present
Physical Touch - a foot massage with chocolate massage cream

If you're speaking their Love Language, you can't go wrong.

Dr. Denise Wade | www.sweetharmony.net

Announcements

Valentine's Day for the Single Girl

with Dr. Wendy Lyon

Not everyone is coupled up for Valentine's Day. So what is a Single Girl to do? Find out what you can do to be in the right relationship this time next year.

Radio Interview with Get it Together Girl Radio
Monday, February 10, 2014

Click here for details

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