December 2013
Conscious Dating Singles News - December 2013


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Take Charge of Your Holiday

By Barbara A Williams

Woman in Winter For many people, December is a dark time in many ways. Not only are the days shorter and colder, but there's an expectation for holiday cheer, connection with family and friends and joviality to celebrate the season. Instead of feeling cheerful, you may actually dread getting together with certain family members, you may feel stressed and anxious or you may be feeling lonely and sad, wishing you had a special someone to share the holidays with.

What if you could take the pressure off and feel at peace with yourself, your circumstances and the whole holiday season?

This year, you have the opportunity to take charge of your holiday!

If you're feeling lonely, you may want to just stay home, mope and feel sorry for yourself. Don't throw yourself a pity party! If you're longing to celebrate with others, don't just hope that someone will invite you to do something. Be proactive. You get to decide what you want to do, where you want to go and who you want to spend time with. If you're feeling isolated, let friends or family know that you'd like to be included, or you can initiate a gathering by inviting some folks to join you for an activity or celebration.

You can get involved with people and causes you care about this holiday season by volunteering or donating, connecting and reaching out to others. If there's someone you'd like to reach out to, now is the time to do it! You can choose where you want to focus your attention, time and resources. Put some energy into what matters most to you.

Give yourself the gift of quality time with you this season. If you'd really like to spend time alone, give yourself full permission to enjoy your own company. Treat yourself with care, create a nice environment for yourself and curl up with a good book. You may want to take some time to reflect on this past year and focus on what you'd like to bring in with the new year. Perhaps you want to go somewhere special and enjoy your favorite food and entertainment. Take the time to listen to your body, follow your intuition and do what's right for you.

Taking charge of your holiday means you don't need to go visit that distant relative or buy that expensive gift just because you feel obligated. If you act out of a sense of obligation, you will probably feel resentful and won't be much fun to be around. Maybe you're used to spending the holidays catering to others and doing what you believe is expected of you - what you should do. I invite you to think about what really brings you joy and make choices that will bring more joy to you and your loved ones this year.

Taking charge of your holiday means that you can be prepared for challenges and not allow minor mishaps to spoil your season. When you're faced with traffic, busy airports or other challenges, you don't have to let yourself get worked up into a lather. You can choose how you react to challenges and you can make the choice to move through the season with presence, acceptance and awareness. You can apply these concepts every day, so you don't let life's little mishaps make you miserable. You really can be in charge of your holiday season and your life!


Copyright © 2013 by Wendy Lyon. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Wendy Lyon
Wendy Lyon is a psychologist, master relationship and life coach, author and speaker who helps singles and couples transform their lives and create great relationships. She is a co-author of the book Roadmap to Success with Deepak Chopra and Ken Blanchard,and a regular contributor to radio, magazines, and television and has been featured on ABC TV's View from the Bay.

For more information visit

BONUS Article

5 Keys for Singles to have a Joyful Holiday

By Jennifer Fraser

Woman in Winter The holidays are upon us—that special time of year for gathering with loved ones, eating favorite foods (including those decadent desserts) and having days filled with laughter and good times. While many may spend their festive season like this, it's not always as joyous when you're single...UNTIL TODAY. Learn how you can make your holidays not only memorable, but also a time of year that you can actually enjoy.

1) Decide to have a GOOD holiday. Make up your mind at the very start that you are going to have a wonderful season. Don't just wish or hope for it. You will have the kind of holiday that you choose so first set your mind on having a GREAT one.

2) Make plans. Select a date on the calendar and plan something. Instead of just thinking about getting together with others, mark dates on your calendar when you will spend quality time with family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. When you have planned dates during the holidays, you have many things to look forward to and you'll be spending it with the people you enjoy the most. Also, remember, this is a good time to spend quality time with yourself! Is there a new exhibit you've been dying to see, or a new restaurant you wanted to try, or maybe get a long overdue massage at the spa? Whatever it is make a date to do something loving for yourself.

3) Make a new resolution. Who says you have to wait until New Year's? What's something you've always wanted to do, but haven't gotten around to yet? The holidays are a great time to do something you love!

Start planning a trip to that fun location (or at the very least look at websites & brochures), take a class, kickoff a new workout regimen, or begin a fun new hobby. Get back into that feeling of doing what you love the most. It will without a doubt make you feel excited, happy, and joyous.

4) Give. Rather than placing all of the focus on being single during this season, look outside of yourself. What can you do for others? How can you give of your time and your talents? You have gifts that can be shared whether it's extending a hand, an ear, or a kind word. You get to choose what you would like to give and to whom.

5) Make a Gratitude List. Look at your life and count your many blessings. Really take stock of all the things that you are grateful for in your life. All we truly have is this moment…right now. The past is gone and the future has yet to arrive. What can you be thankful for at this moment in time? Write them down as I'm sure your list is longer than you may think. Have an attitude of gratitude when you look at your life and make your gratitude list daily. As you express gratitude, you'll attract more people and things to be grateful for in your life.

The holiday season is a special time of year and you can make it loving and enjoyable even when you're single. It truly is what you make of it and the power lies in your hands. You're the only one who can choose what kind of holidays you're going to have. On January 1, when you look back on the holiday season, how do you want to feel about them? How do you want to remember them? Decide today that it is going to be the BEST one yet!


Copyright © 2013 by Jennifer Fraser. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Jennifer Fraser

Jennifer Fraser is a Certified Relationship Coach who specializes in empowering single, professional women to attract lasting love. She works with clients to uncover hidden challenges that may be sabotaging their success in dating so they can find the right partner and a fulfilling relationship. She has been featured on various shows including, Let’s Talk Live and The Awakening Woman, and has served as a co-host on the Magnificent Living Today talk show.

For more information, visit

Ask Our Coaches

Is it okay to ask him to a home cooked meal for a first date?

Dear Coaches,

I'm a 60 year old single woman and I'm interested in a co-worker of mine. I was thinking the holidays may be a great time to make a move. Do you think it would be okay to invite him to my house for a homemade "holiday" meal together? What do you think? Would this be okay, or would it be too forward?

~Trina in Santa Barbara

Amie Leadingham

Amie responds ...

Great question, the holidays can be a great time to connect with someone that you find interesting. Although a homemade dinner sounds fabulous, it may be better to hold on to your awesome cooking skills till you know you both are on the same page. Inviting someone over to your home may get some mixed messages depending on what kind of relationship you are trying to attract.

It would be best to find out what you both have in common. Activities, hobbies, interest are a great opportunity to engage in something you both enjoy. Nothing creates more of a connection than building a bond first.

Amie Leadingham |


Noelle responds ...

Congrats to you for making the first move! I want to acknowledge you for having the courage to take a big step. In terms of inviting your love interest to dinner, I think it depends on the parameters. Holidays are fraught with a mixed bag of emotions, especially for singles. Providing that you approach the dinner invite strategically, with fun, of course, it is a perfectly lovely and appropriate invitation.

For starters, I would recommend that the invitation be just for the two of you not an invitation for a family holiday meal- that would be too much pressure on both of you. Also, I suggest you keep both the dinner invitation and the meal as light and breezy as possible. This injects a more "casual" element to the dinner, and allows the two of you to have an undefined meal.

I wish you all the best in your pursuit of love!

Noelle Shoemate | (917) 359-0650

Susan Ortalano

Susan responds ...

While your idea sounds cozy and lovely, it might be wise to start with smaller steps. Perhaps inviting him out for some holiday hot chocolate, coffee, or a drink can break the ice. If there is interest on his part, he will invite you on a date. As a Coach, I generally don't advocate for playing the traditional male and femaile "roles", but in the beginning, I believe it is helpful to let the masuline energy be the masculine energy and puruse the feminine energy. Generally, inviting someone to their home for a home cooked meal is best saved for a time when you're already in the flow of dating. Asking him out for a drink, or for coffee can help determine his interest and if he is interested, he will begin to pursue you.

Susan Ortolano |

Susan Ortalano

Antoinette responds ...

The office can be a great place to meet people. You already have something in common. However, asking a co-worker on a date is tricky because of today's awareness regarding sexual harassment in the workplace.

What happens if the two of you break up? Unless one of you quits your job or gets a transfer, you will have to face that person every day making it extremely difficult, uncomfortable, and sometime embarrassing - especially if your co-workers get wind of it! Try doing a group dinner party at your home try a "potluck" concept. This way you can protect yourself and see if he's really "into you". Let him earn your attention!

Antoinette Freeman |

Wendy Lyon

Wendy responds ...

Congratulations for having the courage to go for what you want! If you are truly interested in your co-worker, inviting him over for a homemade holiday meal may be a great idea. If he is to be your only guest, it would be wise to first ascertain if he is single, available and interested. I suggest that you clarify this in a brief, light conversation with him over coffee, at a lunch break or after work. If you are planning to invite others to join you for your holiday meal, then you could wait to learn more about him and his interests until that evening.

Pay close attention to how he treats you and let him know when he does anything that you appreciate. If you enjoy his company, let him know that you had a great time and you'd like to get to know him better. If he is interested, he will want to spend more time with you. Let him make the next move and ask you out.

Wendy Lyon |

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.

Tips to Make your Holidays Bright

Helpful Tips

3 Ways to Find Your Soul Mate!

If you're yearning to find someone to share your life with, why not make a resolution by trying a few of these suggestions over the holidays:

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone:
Look beyond your comfort zone and explore the unfamiliar. Visit a part of town you've never been before, try a new restaurant or cuisine. Make a resolution to be open to the excitement by trying new things. Living your life through other peoples' life experiences and or hanging on to past relationships can stagnate your personal growth. You may find your social circles have become limited because of familiarity.

Attend Events:
Choose to attend events/activities that best suit your lifestyle, age and personality in order to attract the people you want to meet. Spectator events can be challenging to socialize with others due to distracting noise levels. Mix and mingle events are a great way to meet new people allowing you to interact with others.

Create A Personal Support Team:
The New Year is a wonderful time to adopt a new attitude! Take time to sort out your email address and social medial accounts. Make a resolution to surround yourself with positive people who lift your spirit and energy. People who constantly criticize and ignore you in your time of need can undermine your confidence and zap your energy. Make a conscious effort to build solid relationships with people who have a genuine interest in your well being.

Antoinette Freeman |

Helpful Tips

Make a New Resolution

Who says you have to wait until New Year's? What's something you've always wanted to do, but haven't gotten around to yet? Now's your chance!

The holidays are a great time to do something you love! Start planning a trip to that fun location (or at the very least look at websites & brochures), take a class, kickoff a new workout regimen, or begin a fun new hobby.

Get back into that feeling of doing what you love the most. It will without a doubt make you feel excited, happy, and joyous.

Jennifer Fraser |


Cure for the Holiday Divorce Blues

By RCI Member Lori RubensteinCure for the Holiday Divorce Blues

Going through a divorce? Practical ideas to help you navigate the holidays.

Recorded audio program now available!

Beyond Happily Ever After

5 Strategies for a Radical Relationship
Beyond Happily Ever After

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Access this outstanding recorded program here.


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Darlene Steele | Editor, Couple for Life News | CONTACT DARLENE
Copyright © 2013 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved.
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