January 2015
Conscious Dating Singles News - January 2015

IN THIS ISSUE:


FEATURED Article

Making Resolutions Stick

By Laurie Cameron

It's time to ring in another New Year. It's time for a brand new batch of New Year's Resolutions. And it's time to wonder why you still can't keep them.

How many resolutions have you made in past years? And how many have you kept? Have you given up on them altogether? Well, you're not alone!

New Year's Resolutions are really no different than other goals we create in order to make our lives better and more fulfilling. They just seem to be given more weight at this time of year. Which means when we are not able to follow through on the changes we want to make, our disappointment and frustration also carries more weight.

Through working with my coaching clients I have identified some of the reasons that New Year's Resolutions don't work. Do any of these look familiar?

  • Too Vague: Goals and resolutions need to be defined with great detail and clarity. We need to know how we will measure our progress. We can't achieve what we can't define.
  • Too Big: Having are solution that's too big to accomplish or even think about accomplishing causes us to feel overwhelmed and back down from it. I call this "Overwhelm-Induced Inertia." It's so big that we end up doing nothing.
  • Too Negative: We get what we focus on. And when we focus on what we don't want we tend to get more of the same.
  • No Momentum: It's easy to get all gung-ho with a great resolution at the beginning of the year. But if we do not have a way to maintain our momentum and excitement, we easily slide back into old habits and patterns. And these are usually the habits we wanted to change in the first place!
  • Not Realistic: It's wonderful to stretch ourselves beyond our comfort zones - that's how we grow. However, it's also important to be realistic. If we start out feeling like we'll never achieve a goal, then we probably won't.
  • Not Attached to a Vision: Our vision for our lives is like the destination for our journeys. The goals and resolutions are the milestones we must reach, one at a time, in order to live our visions. Having resolutions that are not attached to a vision is like trying to ride a stationary bicycle across the country: there's a lot of pedaling and action, but There's no forward movement.

Knowing that, you'll want to create strategies that DO work! Here are some things you can do to ensure that you stick to your New Year's Resolutions in 2015.

  1. Be Specific: Instead of saying you want to "get in shape in 2015," be specific about how you will measure getting in shape. This might be a certain weight, clothing size, or energy level. That way, you'll know when you've achieved your goal.
  2. Break it Down: If your resolution feels too big, consider breaking it down into Monthly,Weekly and Daily Resolutions. What can you do TODAY to keep your larger resolution?
  3. Use Positive Language: If you get what you focus on, you may as well focus on what you want! Instead of saying you want to "Leave this crummy job," resolve to find the perfect job that will support and fulfill you.
  4. Create Means of Accountability: If you want to exercise more, find a workout partner.If you want to start a new business, create your own Board of Directors. My favorite suggestion for an accountability partner: hire a Coach!
  5. Balance Realism and Idealism: Finding this balance can be tricky. Look at your other commitments and determine what time you have to commit to your resolutions. What can you let goof to create more time? If it still feels unrealistic, revise it, but don't abandon it.
  6. Have a Clear Vision: If everything was just right, what would your life look and feel like? How does your resolution fit into this vision? Will achieving your goals take you toward that vision?

Just because you've had limited or no success with them in the past, New Year's Resolutions don't have to be thrown out with the baby and the bath water.

If there's something more or different you want in your life, and you feel that January is the time to begin making the necessary changes, then go for it! Just go about the process with clarity and intention, and learn how to make conscious choices.

Here's to a wonderfully abundant 2015!


Copyright © 2015 by Laurie Cameron. All rights reserved in all media. Used with permission.

Laurie Cameron

 

Laurie Cameron, RCI Master Certified Relationship Coach & Lifetime member, Coach Trainer & Mentor Coach, Business Relationship Consultant.

For more information visit www.wakeupenterprises.com


The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

Ask Our Coaches

How do I reach my goal of finding love in 2015?

Dear Coaches,

My New Year's Resolution this year is to find love. This is much easier said than done. I feel like I am finally in a good place to feel good about committing to a relationship. I have set some small goals, like going on at least 3 dates a month and maybe setting up an online dating profile. What else should I do?

- Morgan, from San Francisco, CA


Sheryl Spangler

Sheryl responds ...

It's great that you're ready to date and I think it's important to do as much as your time and budget allow - utilizing online and offline resources. Online dating is a must these days as more than 1/3 of relationships come from online dating. A great offline resource is Meetup.com. Meetup.com is an international interest based organization that promotes events for like-minded people. There are usually a large number of singles Meetup groups in most major metropolitan areas.

Another tip is to vary your stops for coffee, shopping, etc. Grab a book and head to a coffee shop in an area of your town where singles gather. How about hobbies and interests? Take a class, join a group, volunteer. The key is to get out of the house and do some things that you enjoy. With all of this activity and the right frame of mind, you shouldn't have any trouble meeting some great men. Good luck to you!

Sheryl Spangler | www.heartandsoulmatchmaking.com


Rita Hudgens

Rita responds ...

How prepared do you feel you are you for dating? Having a strong personal foundation where you know your vision and values is paramount to the success of your dating experience. Make sure you know your requirements; what you will not tolerate in a relationship as well as being clear about what personality traits you do want in a partner.

Getting clear of the past will help insure your past relationships will not impact your future ones. Remember that being intentional is very attractive and like attracts like! Good luck!

Rita Hudgens | www.opendoorlifecoach.com


Anita Myers

Anita responds ...

Congratulations on feeling like you are in a good place and ready to consider a committed relationship! While you are adding tasks to your To Do list, be sure to add the following to keep you grounded and conscious while navigating the terrain of relationshiplandia:

1. Know and enforce your rules, boundaries and limitations (homage Cesar Milan; it doesn't just work for dogs, it works for everyone!)

2. Prepare for setbacks. Everyone has to confront discomfort, disagreement and conflict. Know what your steps are to recover confidently and when to walk away from unacceptable circumstances like a boss.

3. Keep an open, eager-to-discover mind. The market of available singles has a landscape that can range from your local community to anywhere on Earth! Think outside of the box and have fun challenging and upgrading your comfort zone!

4. Focus on the quality of your time, rather than the quantity of time spent.

When entering the market to find love, your best assets are the joy and positivity you bring to the date. Your confidence in enjoying the moments while learning and appreciating the person in front of you will build wonderful memories and a path toward your partner in life!

Anita Myers | www.innerscopeconsulting.com


Pia Washington

Pia responds ...

First of all, congratulations for taking your first steps toward finding love! Acknowledging that you are in a good place and ready to commit to a relationship is an important aspect of finding love.

One question that I would ask is whether you have considered your relationship requirements, needs and wants? Requirements are non-negotiable and in the ideal relationship your compatible life partner will meet all of your requirements. Needs can be functional or emotional and they are negotiable. Wants are "nice to have" like the icing on a cake and they can change over time. The more clarity you have around what you want and don't want before you write your online profile the better.

In addition to an online profile, you may also consider expanding your existing social network. Identify and participate in organizations in which you share important values, goals or passions with the members such as a special interest group, church or service organization. You will have a strong connection with others in the group and higher probability of finding a partner. Most importantly, you will have fun, live a fulfilling and enjoyable life and eventually attract the right person in your life.

Pia Washington | www.ECIGroup.coachesconsole.com


Linda Robert

Linda responds ...

The fact that you're finally in a good place to feel good about committing to a relationship is a great first step. Here's what else I'm going to suggest. Have you considered where your attraction venues are? You want to meet someone, so it will be important that you determine where you will be meeting people to date. Be specific and look for places that attract the type of person you are looking for.

You said that 'maybe' you'll set up an online profile. I'd definitely consider researching dating sites and choosing a few that you're comfortable with and scouting potential dates and future loves. You'll find that with dating sites, you could potentially meet your objective of 3 dates a month.

Finally, while you are in process of meeting the right one, enjoy your life as a single. Get out there, have fun,socialize with your family and friends above all, always be aware cause you're potential partner could be right next to you.

Linda Robert | www.lindagrobert.com


Randy

Randy responds ...

What causes you to feel you're "in a good place" relationship-wise? Is it because you have done the inner work necessary to find and maintain a good relationship? Or is it because you are tired of being alone? No amount of dating will bring you love if you don't have the skills necessary to recognize love and keep it.

Since knowledge of relationships is so important as a foundation, a good place to start is by retaining a coach who can support you, and help you hold yourself accountable to your goals.

As for the actual "meeting people" part, I suggest getting involved in activities that interest you. Churches, charity work, classes, athletic clubs are all good places to meet people in an ongoing, fun, and non-threatening setting. Singles organizations can also be fun, especially if they have a purpose aligned with your interests (Sierra Singles, Single Volunteers, Athletic Singles etc.)

And don't forget to ask friends or family to suggest singles they know. This may feel risky, but a referral is a good baseline!

Randy Hurlburt | www.PartnersinLoveandCrime.com


Dr. Dar

Dr. Dar responds ...

Finding love as a goal is worthy of praise. Have you defined what love is and looks like for you and your life? Often times we're not specific enough with our goals and end up dating but don't produce the end result we are looking for because we have not clearly defined it.

Take a look at your life, family, friends, culture, career and personality... then begin writing out your ideal partner profile. What do they like to do, what foods do they love, what do they read, how does it feel when you are together, what is their communication style, etc. The more specific you get, the more certain you will be when you have met your match.

I also suggest you look at what your equal in a partner would look like. Often we date people from a space of unequal footing so for example if you are intelligent and a good communicator, don't date the opposite of that. I wish you much success on your journey to the love of your life!

Dr. Dar | www.LoveHimLoveHer.com


The opinions stated are those of the authors and not necessarily those of the staff, members, or leadership of Relationship Coaching Institute.

This column answers questions submitted by our readers. Submit your question here www.relationshipcoach.org/ask-the-coach and it will be forwarded to our coaches all over the world. Each issue, we'll publish a few answers from our RCI coaches.



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