Relationship Coaching Institute News, October 2006

If you are receiving this from a friend and wish to subscribe, or are interested in our newsletters for Singles, Couples, or for Practice Building, visit /forms/subscribe.htm

Announcements

1	Free Tele-Seminar: How to Blog for Fun, Prospects and Profits	October 4
2	Free Tele-Seminar: Journey from "I" to "We"	October 12
3	Private Practice Magic	Free CD!
4	Free Training: Introduction to Relationship Coaching	Tuesdays Oct 3, 10, 17
5	Win an iPod!	Feb 14

FREE TELE-SEMINAR: Wednesday September 6-
9am Pacific/12pm Eastern/5pm UK

How to Blog for Fun, Prospects and Profits

with Denise Wakeman and Patsi Krakoff, aka The Blog Squad

Build a Professional Blog That Gets More Traffic to Your Website and Turns Prospects Into Paying Clients

In this seminar you'll learn:

What is a blog?
How a blog is different from a website
How to create your first blog
How a blog can boost your credibility factor
3 ways to make money with your blog
How to use a blog to promote your book, products and services
Why you need to integrate a blog with your other marketing tools like an ezine and a website
Plus much more.

Don't miss this teleseminar!

No need to register. This seminar is FREE for subscribers of our free monthly practice-building newsletter GETTING CLIENTS

To subscribe and receive your invitation to this seminar, please visit http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com

Can't attend? No problem. The recording of this program will be available for 30 days as our Seminar of the Month

Please share with your colleagues!

Top

Free Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar:

October Program
Thursday, October 12, 2006, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern

The Journey from I-TO-WE:
Five Steps to a Successful Relationship

With RCI Coach Glenn Cohen

This seminar will cover:

How your relationship starts with "I" and the importance of a "Peaceful Soul"
The "Seven/Seven: guidelines for effective communication for senders and receivers
How the past controls the "cycle of conflict" and what to do about it
How to reach a compromise on the toughest issue in seven steps ;
How to discover and solve each other's "Passion Equation" for lasting fulfillment

No need to register! As a subscriber you will receive a reminder with the telephone bridge number needed to join a few days prior to the seminar.

Can't attend? No problem. The recordings of all our programs are available free at www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Please share with your colleagues!

Top

Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff.

Introduction to Relationship Coaching includes 3 one-hour tele-classes, Tuesdays, October 3, 10 and 17, 2006; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.

Each class includes practical information and materials you can use immediately in your practice.

Can't make our training dates/times? Each class is recorded for those unable to attend, and we also offer an ON-LINE VERSION.

Please share with your colleagues! To register or for more information, visit /forms/freeteleclass.htm

For the one year anniversary of the publication of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of your Life in Today's World on February 14, 2007 (Valentine's Day) we'll announce the results of our first annual- Conscious Dating Success Story of the Year Contest.

We're awarding an iPod loaded with 20 of our best Conscious Relationship Audio Programs ($369.00 value) to-

This means that if you know someone who could benefit from reading Conscious Dating, or someone who has read it and has a great success story, YOU can also win by referring them!

Submissions will be judged by the staff of Relationship Coaching Institute. To be eligible entrants must certify that they have read the Conscious Dating book. Current and past members and staff of Relationship Coaching Institute are not eligible to enter this contest. All submissions become property of Relationship Coaching Institute and by entering this contest entrants grant us permission to publish their story online and in print.

- Know anyone with a success story to share? Please forward this announcement to them!

- Know a single who hasn't read Conscious Dating and is a success story in the making? With 6 months to go there is plenty of time to learn and apply the principles of Conscious Dating. Please send them to www.consciousdating.com

Welcome New RCI Coaches

Feature Article:
Brain Development and Relationship Choices

There are many unconscious forces at work in every stage of a relationship that have the potential for undermining your best efforts to sustain love if you are not aware. Being fully aware is difficult and controlling the outcome is impossible. You improve your chances for success in making long-term choices if you can uncover the unconscious biological and emotional forces that may be influencing you. In this article we’ll look at brain development as a biological force that might be at play when you are making relationship choices.

YOUR GRAY MATTER MATTERS

Adolescence and young adulthood appears to be a very busy time for that wrinkled lump behind your forehead. Researchers are finding that our brains don't stop developing until our mid-20s. Understanding how your brain develops might motivate you to change how and when you make long-term relationship choices. When you’re growing up there is a lot more going on than the hormonal changes that have traditionally been attributed to changes in teen behavior.

The first areas of the brain to mature are the extreme front and back sections which control basic functions such as processing the senses and movement. Areas involved in spatial orientation and language (parietal lobes) follow. Areas with more advanced functions (integrating information from the senses, reasoning, and other "executive" functions) mature last.

In an adult, the frontal lobe of the brain carries out a lot of executive functions like planning, goal-directed behavior, judgment, and insight. This particular part of the brain influences and manages the more emotional or gut part of the brain, which is key to understanding behavior. As an adolescent the emotional or gut region of your brain experiences more activation while the frontal lobe matures later. The result is a stronger tendency to act out impulsively without regard to the consequences. This makes you more spontaneous and less inhibited. To appreciate consequences you have to think through the potential outcomes of a choice. Since the reactive part of the brain develops first, and the responsible part of the brain last, as a teen or young adult you may not be developmentally mature enough to anticipate negative consequences of the choices you make. The way the information comes into your brain, how the information is organized, and then ultimately your response may be very different from a mature adult’s response.

Teens process emotions differently than adults. Mental efficiency in solving emotion-related tasks suffers with the arrival of puberty, when gray matter volume in the frontal lobes is at its peak. The ability of the white matter to help the gray matter in the frontal lobe communicate with the midbrain is still under construction. The midbrain reward system is where romantic love exerts its powers.

As a teen the parts of your brain related to emotions and decision-making are still developing. There is a question amongst researchers about whether or not adolescents can be taught to be more discriminating in interpersonal communication. As your developing brain undergoes rewiring, as a teen you are particularly vulnerable to risky behavior. The amount of stimulation needed to activate motivation differs in your adolescent brain than in your adult brain. Adolescent brains react intensely to novel experiences. To get the same rewarding feeling as a teen you need the added excitement that comes from risky behavior.

While this explains our motivation, it’s no excuse for reckless behavior or taking big risks. Understanding consequences and what's going on inside your head promotes good choice-making. Cultural context is important as well. Even with frontal lobes that are not fully developed, as a teen you can learn to control your impulses if you are immersed in a culture where being conscious is of high value.

BRAIN UNDER CONSTRUCTION

What is only beginning to be understood is that human brain circuitry and development doesn’t reach full maturity on average until the early to mid-twenties. Some brain researchers estimate that the brain matures at 20-21. Others estimate that it is closer to 25-26. These are the ages at which you are making career and relationship decisions that will impact the rest of your life. And yet you may not be fully equipped to manage your impulses and make good long-term choices until your brain reaches maturity—perhaps as late as 26 years old.

Your brain’s frontal lobe—the part of the brain that controls social activity--seems to undergo a lot of development during the teen years. At this time when your teenage brain is changing rapidly, relationships matter a lot to you. This is the time in your life when friends are more important than family and what other people think of you is crucial. It is a time when you are considering the kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It is a time when you may even meet and decide to enter a committed partnership or marry the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with.

So, what are the implications of the timeline of development of the frontal lobe? While as a teen or young adult you may appear to be mature and have advanced intellectual and reasoning ability, the link between your seat of judgment and problem-solving (frontal lobe) and the emotional center of your brain is the last connection to be fully established. This link is crucial to emotional learning and self-regulation. And so as a teen or young adult you may not be as mature as you and others sometimes think you are. While you appear to be physically mature, your brain may in fact be still developing and important neural connections necessary for adulthood not yet established. You may not appreciate consequences or weigh information the same way as adults do.

If you are one of the many adults who believe that one of the things that you feel most limited by is your ability to have a really good relationship, a really intimate relationship with another person, it is very possible that you didn’t learn these skills growing up. We hope that by being aware of those unconscious forces at work in your relationship choices we can balance our youthful impulsiveness with mature, responsible choices and learn effective life and relationship skills at younger and younger ages.

Researchers are only beginning to understand brain development. If you’re over 25 and wondering why this is important for you to know, we’d like to point out how common it is for us to regress in our functioning when we’re excited about a new relationship. When experiencing emotional intensity our frontal lobe can go on vacation and we become giddy adolescents again ignoring (or rationalizing) long-term consequences. In Conscious Mating we wish to understand and acknowledge the role of our brain chemistry in our relationship choices and seek to balance our excitement in the moment with our long-term vision, goals, needs, and requirements.

Linda Marshall, M.Div., lives in Centerville, Ohio and is Director of Couples Programs for Relationship Coaching Institute as well as in private practice as a relationship coach specializing in working with couples, both over the telephone and in person.

Invitations

Invitation #1
I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of us. Be visible! Let's connect! Send them to me at David@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Invitation #2
I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague. There is a tremendous need for our services, and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy, and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship.

Invitation #3
I invite you to listen to the following introductory recordings 24 hours a day at your convenience by visiting /audio/index.htm (some are available by telephone)

Invitation #4
I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc.

Invitation #5
If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to visit our web site and contact us at
/forms/contact.htm
for information on joining us and becoming a RCI Relationship Coach. Join our free "Introduction to Relationship Coaching teleclass series.

Invitation #6
To subscribe to this newsletter, our newsletter for SINGLES, our newsletter for COUPLES, or our PRACTICE BUILDING newsletter, visit
/forms/subscribe.htm

Invitation #7
For a description of RCI relationship coaching trainings, schedule, and enrollment info, select "Joining RCI" from the left menu at
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

For More Information

Our Purpose
The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome!

Our Mission
To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.

Copyright Notice
This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#:1530-3055

Links to Us

Conscious Dating for Singles
Free audio programs, e-programs, and more!
www.ConsciousDating.org

Partners in Life for Couples
Free audio programs, e-programs, and more!
www.PartnersInLife.org

Announcements

Welcome New RCI Coaches

Feature Article: Brain Development and Relationship Choices

Invitations

For More Information

Links to Us

Feature Article:
Brain Development and Relationship Choices