In this issue:

Editor- David Steele
Founder and CEO
Relationship Coaching Institute

Copyright 2005 by Relationship Coaching Institute. All rights reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#1530-3055.

Conscious Dating:
Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World

Available for order NOW at www.ConsciousDating.com

New! Free!

Conscious Relationship
Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

If you are receiving this from a friend and wish to subscribe, or are interested in our newsletters for Singles, Couples, or for Practice Building, visit http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/subscribe.htm

To pass the word about us to a friend or colleague click here

Announcements

1	Conscious Dating Book Available October 1st! Book Launch Conference Call/Tele-Seminar October 13	October 1 and 13
2	Free Tele-Seminar:  How To Get On The Radio	October 5
3	Free Training:  Introduction to Relationship Coaching	October 4
4	Course:  Relationship Coaching Home Study Program Now Available	Now Available
5	Workshops:  Live Relationship Coaching Trainings	October
6	RCI Coach Conference Calls	Ongoing

---

Conscious Dating Book Available October 1st
Book Launch Conference Call/Tele-Seminar October 13

To celebrate the first printing of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World we will have a conference call and tele-seminar on Thursday, October 13th, 5:30pm pacific/8:30pm eastern for October's Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series.

This event is exclusively for our subscribers. The actual street date for this book to be available to the public is February 14, 2006. Books from this first printing will be available only on our website effective October 1st at www.ConsciousDating.com. Pre-orders are now being accepted.

Why launch this book privately in October, before the official February date?

1. I decided to self-publish this book, and need the lead time to gather endorsements and line up a distribution deal to get it in bookstores
   
2. This period will be used to gather your feedback and reactions to the book
   
3. The internal sales of the first 1,000 or so will help finance the printing of 5,000 or more needed for the February release to the public

• Conscious Dating Book Excerpts e-Program of 19 daily excerpts from each chapter of the book
  
• PDF download of three complete chapters

Also, check out the article- Conscious Dating: The Book That Wrote Itself below

If you would like to be among the first to receive a copy of this book, pre-orders are now being accepted at www.consciousdating.com or use this direct order link

FREE Audio CD with each book!
(available for a limited time while supplies last)

(Note: in the next few days the website at www.consciousdating.com will undergo a makeover. If the site is down when you first visit, please try again a little later)

Top

---

FREE TELE-SEMINAR:  
How To Get On The Radio-
Secrets & Tips from Both Sides of the Microphone
October 5

with Jeff Herring and DJ Sara Michaels

Getting on the radio and being asked back is sometimes shrouded in mystery. Learn how to "crack the code" to marketing yourself and your services on the radio. Sara and Jeff have worked together for 10 years, doing a twice weekly segment on the number one morning show on the radio.

In just one hour you will learn:

• How to approach program directors and DJs with your expertise
• What radio hosts are looking for in a guest
• Topics that appeal to listeners
• What to say when you are on the air - how to talk in "useful sound bites"
• How to provide "useful but incomplete" tips and tools
• The one secret that almost no one does that will make you a favorite guest
• What to never say when you are on the air
• How to get asked back over and over
• Audio clips of their interviews over the years
  
  Sara and Jeff have worked together for 10 years, doing a twice weekly segment on the radio, and bring a wealth of experience and immediately useful tips and tools that you can use right away.

FREE TRAINING:  
Introduction to Relationship Coaching
Starts October 4

Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff.

Introduction to Relationship Coaching includes 3 one-hour tele-classes, Tuesdays, October 4, 11, and 18, 2005; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.

Each class includes practical information and materials you can use immediately in your practice.

Can't make our training dates/times? Each class is recorded for those unable to attend, and we also offer an ON-LINE VERSION.

Please share with your colleagues! To register or for more information, visit http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm

Top

Relationship Coaching
Home Study Program

Now Available

In April I gave two one-day workshops in Little Rock and Indianapolis, and recorded them both. I've edited the audio recordings to create a home study program that includes the 111-page workshop manual and a 6-CD set.

Check it out here

Top

Live Relationship Coaching Workshops

October 2005

David Steele will be conducting four, live, one-day relationship coaching CEU workshops for licensed mental health professionals in the following cities:

• Monday, October 17th in Chicago
• Tuesday, October 18th in Milwaukee
• Monday, October 24th in Kansas City
• Tuesday, October 25th in St. Louis

Please join us! Workshop information is available at http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/newhope

Top

RCI Coach Conference Calls

Our conference calls are FREE to RCI Coaches, and are scheduled on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, 2:00 pm Pacific/ 5:00 pm Eastern.

The RCI Member Support Forum meets Wednesdays at 11:00 am pacific/ 2:00 pm Eastern. A reminder including the bridge # is sent prior to each call on our listserv.

Top

Welcome New RCI Coaches

The following professionals recently joined our ranks:

Top

Feature Article

Conscious Dating: The Book That Wrote Itself
By David Steele

To celebrate the first printing this month of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World, I ask your indulgence as I share some of the journey that brought this book from idea to reality eight years later.

In 1997 I was a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice burning out on working with couples on the verge of divorce. I discovered the emerging field of personal/life coaching and became excited about applying coaching to relationships. In trying to figure out how to do this I had an epiphany- SINGLES BECOME COUPLES!

In my twenty years as a therapist on a mission to lower the divorce rate, it had never occurred to me to work with singles. I knew very little about how singles could successfully find their life partner, so I started reading all the self-help books I could find on the subject. I was appalled at how much bad and misguided advice for singles that I found. It seemed that most books for singles were written by lay people (non-relationship professionals) that narrowly focused on "hooking up" (how to flirt, how to "get" a man, etc) and had little to offer about how singles could find and have a successful, sustainable, and fulfilling relationship.

So, I scratched my head, sat down with a legal pad, and asked myself "What do singles need to know and do to find their life partner?" Starting literally from a blank slate, drawing upon my own life, my training as a therapist and coach, and my years of experience specializing in relationships, I started mapping out some disconnected concepts and ideas such as:

• Need to start with a Vision
• Must be clear about life purpose
• Make relationship choices aligned with Requirements, Needs, and Wants
• Dating Traps- ways that singles set themselves up for failure
• Attraction Venues- the people you meet depends upon where you meet them
• Need a Relationship Plan- "when you fail to plan, you plan to fail"
• Need to be self-aware, conscious, and informed about relationships
• Four steps to finding your life partner- scouting, sorting, screening, and testing
• More than one kind of dating relationship- recreational, committed, "mini-marriage"

Whew! My creative juices were flowing, and before I knew it I had written a transcript and went to a recording studio to create a cassette tape to promote my relationship coaching- Finding the Love of Your Life and the Life That You Love. I gave this tape to everyone that came to my weekly singles events (conducted with my new business partner Marvin Cohen), and was astounded by their feedback. They loved it! I heard comments such as "This tape saved my life!" Wow... I figured I was on to something. Many of the concepts and ideas resonated strongly with singles, such as dating traps, requirements, and such, but the one that seemed get the most response was "Be The Chooser."

Right then, I knew I had to turn this stuff into a book. How? The prospect was scary- I'd written and published many articles, but I'd never written a book before. So many pages! Then I thought, "Well, a book is not going to lower the divorce rate by itself. Singles really need coaching and support to make effective choices." Then I had a blasphemous thought for a budding author- "If you could 'get it' from a book, the world's problems would be solved!"

So I rationalized that I didn't need to write a book, and instead used these concepts and ideas to create a "Relationship Success Training for Singles" (RESTS) and started offering classes, workshops, and individual coaching using this step-by-step program. Other professionals liked what I was doing and I got the idea to train and license them to use this program, which led to Relationship Coaching Institute (RCI).

As I trained more and more of my colleagues in using the RESTS program with singles, and Marvin and I continued our work with singles locally, I received lots of feedback and ideas for refinement. After working with the original RESTS program for a couple of years, Marvin and I collaborated on a revised edition (which earned him co-author credit) and then again a few years later yet another revised edition.

My master plan was to make relationship coaching as ubiquitous as McDonald's by training and licensing my fellow therapists and coaches all over the world through Relationship Coaching Institute. But it became clear that if I really wanted to lower the divorce rate, a book would reach more people than I was able. Overwhelmed at the idea of putting all these ideas into a coherent book, I asked around for referrals and hired Cindy Barrilleaux and Garry Cooper to help me put together a book proposal, which ended up being a two year project due to my juggling my practice, RCI, and other projects, such as a side trip into helping RCI coaches build successful practices by developing two practice building programs and writing two books on practice-building.

Then, I needed to find an agent. Again, with juggling my commitments, this ended up being a two year process. My initial excitement about finally landing a high-powered New York agent fizzled out quickly when the agent stopped returning my calls after the book was rejected by ten publishers. The feedback from the publishers was mostly complimentary about the content of the book, but pessimistic about its prospects in a marketplace "saturated" by other books for singles. I knew this book was different and needed, but they didn't get it, and my agent apparently gave up trying, so I let her go and decided to self-publish.

So, about half the book was written in the form of the book proposal, and I needed to buckle down and write the other half. I had high ambitions for this book to be a best seller and wanted it to be fun and enjoyable to read as well as informative. After reading "One Minute Millionaire" and getting caught up in the story that illustrated the concepts, I decided to include stories of real singles that have used the RESTS program to help them find their life partner. However, I knew my limits- I was not a story-writer! After reviewing more than 50 applicants (lots of hungry writers out there!) and interviewing ten finalists, I hired Rachel Sarah.

Rachel and I worked together for (yet again!) two years. First finding and interviewing singles who graduated the RESTS program, then working through all 16 chapters one at a time to weave the stories throughout the book and flesh out the content of each chapter. We developed a routine where she would interview me and write a draft, then I would edit her draft and add to it until I was satisfied with the chapter, then move to the next chapter. In addition to doing a great job writing up the stories of the singles we chose to feature in the book, Rachel was great in helping me to continue forward momentum while I was (still!) juggling all my other commitments.

To sum up, here is an approximate timeline-

1997-Present: Design and test concepts with Marvin Cohen and RCI coaches
1999-2000: Write proposal with Cindy Barrilleaux and Garry Cooper
2001-2002: Get agent, crash and burn, decide to self-publish
2003-2005: Finish writing with Rachel Sarah, get self-publishing guidance (Jim Donovan), hire editor (Melanie Rigney) and designers (Cathi Stevenson and Judi Lake), decide upon printer and fulfillment house (Fidlar-Doubleday) and publish!

As you can see, it's been a long journey and I've had lots of help.

How did this book write itself? Well, I did put a lot of writing and work into this book project, but it seemed to write itself because-

1. I had the help and support of talented people who believed in this book project
2. My passion and commitment to this project provided plenty of energy and motivation
3. Through RCI I had solid experience with singles testing the ideas in the book, and training/collaborating with many other professionals

It seemed like I was more of a sculptor chipping away to allow the book to take its own shape, rather than an author writing a book from scratch or a painter starting with a blank canvas.

So this month, October 2005, I'm celebrating the completion of an eight-year journey, grateful to be blessed with this mission, hopeful this book will make a significant contribution in helping singles find their life partner and lower the divorce rate; and as I work with my publicist Penny Sansevieri, I'm very aware that my commitment to the success of this book is just beginning.

And you know what? It's a good book! I enjoy reading it, especially the stories, which really bring the material to life. I'm not too macho to admit that I get choked up every time I read the way the stories end in the epilogue. It's especially poignant for me because I know these singles having interviewed them, and it feels wonderful that the strategies in this book really made a difference in helping them finding their life partner and live a fulfilling life. It's not often in the helping profession that we get to learn the results of our work a year or more later, and to really know that our support actually had a successful outcome down the road for our clients.

Enjoy the book!

• Conscious Dating Book Excerpts e-Program of 19 daily excerpts from each chapter of the book
  
• PDF download of three complete chapters

Top

Invitations

Invitation #1
I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of us. Be visible! Let's connect!  Send them to me at David@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

Invitation #2
I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague.  There is a tremendous need for our services, and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy, and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship.

To pass the word about us to a friend or colleague, please visit http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com/tellafriend.html

Invitation #3
I invite you to listen to the following introductory recordings 24 hours a day at your convenience by visiting http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/audio/index.htm (some are available by telephone)

• Introduction to Relationship coaching
• Finding the Love of Your Life AND The Life That You Love
• Conscious Dating for Relationship Success
• All about RCI
• Practice Building Intensive (sample conference call)
• Radical Thoughts on Converting Prospects to Clients
• How do Design Compelling Marketing Strategies that Attract Clients
• And more!

Invitation #4
I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc.

Invitation #5
If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to visit our web site and contact us at
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/contact.htm
for information on joining us and becoming a RCI Relationship Coach. Join our free "Introduction to Relationship Coaching teleclass series.

Invitation #6
To subscribe to this newsletter, our newsletter for SINGLES, our newsletter for COUPLES, or our PRACTICE BUILDING newsletter, visit
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/subscribe.htm

Invitation #7
For a description of RCI relationship coaching trainings, schedule, and enrollment info, select "Joining RCI" from the left menu at
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

How do you like our newsletter? Your feedback is welcome!  Until next time....

Best regards,
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Relationship Coach
CEO and Founder of Relationship Coaching Institute
David@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
http://www.RelationshipCoachingNetwork.org
http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
http://www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
http://www.ConsciousDating.com
http://www.ConsciousDating.org
http://www.PartnersInLife.org
http://www.DavidSteeleOnline.com
Telephone:  888.268.4074

Top

For More Information

For Past Issues of this Newsletter
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/newsletter/archive.htm

Our Purpose
The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome!

Our Mission
To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.

Copyright Notice
This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#:1530-3055

Links to Us

Relationship Coaching Institute
Free introductory training!
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
Free monthly tele-seminars!
http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com

Conscious Dating for Singles
Free audio programs, e-programs, and more!
www.ConsciousDating.org

Partners in Life for Couples
Free audio programs, e-programs, and more!
www.PartnersInLife.org

Free Monthly Conscious Relationship Tele-Seminar Series
www.ConsciousRelationshipSeminars.com

Free Conscious Relationship Podcast
www.ConsciousRelationshipPodcast.com

Members of Relationship Coaching Network
Free resources for singles, couples and professionals
http://www.relationshipcoachingnetwork.org

Top