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------------------------------------------------------------- Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff. "Introduction to Relationship Coaching"- 3 one-hour teleclasses, Tuesdays, April 5, 12, and 19, 2005; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern. -June 14: Class #2: How to Coach Couples -June 21: Class #3: How to Build a Successful Relationship Coaching Practice can use immediately in your practice. http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm <http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm> for those unable to attend, and we also offer an ON-LINE VERSION. http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm <http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm> professional speaker, author, and Internet marketing expert ways to establish your credibility as an expert and attract prospects for your practice. - How to get paid to speak on your expertise - Simple tips and tricks that make you look like a pro - How to double or triple the number of prospects and leads any time you speak - How to make more than your speaking fee in "back of the room" sales of our free monthly practice-building newsletter GETTING CLIENTS please visit http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com <http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com/> private practice you must master the skills and strategies for getting clients. eastern program helped me learn the skills I needed to successfully fill my practice, and provided invaluable support & guidance for implementing these skills in my business." -- Tera McHugh, Life Coach, Castaic, CA 3:00pm pacific / 6:00pm eastern http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com/fullpracticetraining.html <http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com/fullpracticetraining.html> Brenda@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com <mailto:Brenda@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com> ) yourself as an expert, attract prospects for your practice, and turn prospects into clients and customers. - How to turn just about anything you have ever written into an e-program - How to find ideas for your e-program - How to structure each day's email for your e-program - The one thing you MUST NOT do when creating an e-program - The one thing you MUST DO to make your e-program profitable. - How to over-deliver to your prospects - How to keep prospects involved when the e-program is over even if they have not become a client or customer YET with using e-programs to attract prospects, clients and profits. Let them show you how you can get in on this form of "automatic marketing." Please join us! of our free monthly practice-building newsletter GETTING CLIENTS please visit http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com <http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com/> of Connection" with Hedy Schleifer that is now available by recording, FREE to our subscribers: Program #2: Embracing our Differences Program #3: Achieving Fulfillment register at http://www.miracleofconnection.com <http://www.miracleofconnection.com/> ~ May 17; Couples Coaching with Linda Marshall ~ EVERY WEDNESDAY; RCI Member Support Tele-Forum with David Steele the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of each month, 2:00pm pacific/5pm eastern. The RCI Member Support Forum meets Wednesdays at 11am pacific/2pm eastern. A reminder including the bridge # is sent prior to each call on our listserv. Welcome New RCI Coaches!The following professionals recently joined our ranks: Paige Armstrong, MSW, Glen Allen, VA THANK YOU for telling your colleagues about RCI! Congrats to our latest certified relationship coaches:CONGRATS TO: Jeff Herring of Tallahassee, FL who launched CONSCIOUSDATING-TALLAHASSEE on April 1st. Our first official “Conscious Dating-of-your-Territory-or-Niche licensee! His launch started with a Singles Social at a local popularrestaurant in partnership with the number one radio stationin town, Magic 107.1. The station and Conscious DatingTallahassee have launched the "Magic Singles Club" on theMagic 107.1 website, which provides info on Conscious DatingTallahassee, and a member of one is also a member of theother. Jeff and Magic 107.1 have partnered with PremiereHealth and Fitness Club, an 8,000+ member club to both hostand market the seminars. A four way JV that equals awin-win-win-win-win! Jeff writes:
CONGRATS TO: David Steele, who conducted his first in-person relationship coaching trainings this month and writes:
CONGRATS TO: Shona Partridge, Herts, UK, who was justelected to the Board of Directors for the U.K. InternationalCoach Federation (ICF)! Our coaches are certainly committed, talented, and makingthings happen! It is my honor to be part of this communitythat is making such a difference in the lives and relationships of others. Have a win you would like to share? Any graduates from yourRCI coaching 'find the love of their life and the life thatthey love?' Please pass it on and we'll celebrate it! What Is Commitment?by David Steele The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents. In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships. COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a “committed” relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he “cheated.” We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships,and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a “commitment” to each other. OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within therelationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right? In our conversation it occurred to me to make a distinction between a “Commitment” vs. a “Promise.” They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things. When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the “commitment vs. promise” distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment. Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms: PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a specific act. COMMITMENT: Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs. In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual. A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related. CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation. The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today’s relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term “pre-commitment” to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- “What is commitment?” When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE. I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in “committed relationships.” They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed. IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE NOT IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:
A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it. And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work. CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT Commitment is not a light switch that goes from “off” to “on.” When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases. Then you have all the shades of gray… living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really? FACT VS. ATTITUDE Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events,actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them. It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. “married”) but not in attitude (e.g. “I’m not sure this is the right relationship for me”). It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. “This is ‘The One!’ ”). In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship. In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor. Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories- UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the “mini-marriage” model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude. CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves “Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?” An alignment of fact and attitude. CONCLUSION So, when is a relationship committed? What creates the “fact” of commitment? I propose these three criterion:
In today’s world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not. I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices. ©2005 by Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved Invitations:
How do you like our newsletter? Your feedback is welcome! Until next time.... Best regards, PAST ISSUES OF THIS NEWSLETTER CAN BE FOUND HERE The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships. This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome! Our Mission: To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships. Copyright notice: This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#:1530-3055 To subscribe to our newsletters, visit here. |
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