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------------------------------------------------------------- 1. FREE TRAINING BEGINS FEBRUARY 3RD Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff. "Introduction to Relationship Coaching"- 3 one-hour teleclasses, Tuesdays, Feb 3, 10, 17, 2004; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern. February 3: Class #1: How to Coach Singles February 10: Class #2: How to Coach Couples February 17: Class #3: How to Build a Successful Relationship Coaching Practice Each class includes practical information and materials you can use immediately in your practice. Please share with your colleagues! To register, visit http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm Can't make our training dates/times? Each class is recorded for those unable to attend, and we also offer an ON-LINE VERSION. For more info visit http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/forms/freeteleclass.htm --------------------------------------------------------------- 2. FREE TELE-SEMINAR- ENDLESS REFERRALS with David Steele and Dr. Jackie Black The number one goal of most private practice professionals is to GET CLIENTS, and by far, the most effective way to get clients is WORD OF MOUTH REFERRALS. Start the New Year by learning how to: -Effectively develop endless referrals from colleagues and allied professionals -Stimulate endless referrals from past and current clients We will cover –seven- distinct pipelines for creating endless referrals for your practice. 9am pacific/Noon eastern on Wednesday January 7th No need to register. This seminar is FREE for subscribers of our free monthly practice-building newsletter How to Get Clients. To subscribe and receive your invitation to this seminar, please visit http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com Next Month's Program: HOW TO GET RESULTS WITH A CALL TO ACTION Please share with your colleagues! 3. REGISTER NOW FOR JANUARY PRACTICE BUILDING INTENSIVE -Ready to build your ideal practice? -Want to work less and make more? -Would you like to learn how you can actually have fun building and marketing your business? If so, then join our January Practice Building Intensive! We will meet for 12 weeks every Thursday at 9AM pacific/Noon eastern beginning January 8th and you will learn everything you need to have a successful private practice. Best of all, this program is VERY affordable, with BuildingYourIdealPractice.com membership plans starting at $29.00 per month! RCI coaches register by e-mailing Brenda (included in RCI membership) Now is the time to jump in and get the information and support you need to build your ideal practice. For more info visit http://www.buildingyouridealpractice.com/practicebuildingintensive.html 4. JANUARY DISC RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT TRAININGS The DiSC In-Depth Relationship Assessment (INDRA) brings a new level of understanding to relationships: -Measures the relationships of people, providing individuals, couples, families and groups with feedback concerning the potential for effectiveness and comfort. -Maps areas of compatibility and incompatibility, pinpointing individuals' differences and providing insight about how to work and live effectively together. -Provides actionable insight for individuals, couples, families and groups. The assessment is taken on-line and results are delivered immediately to you or your client...you decide. You will have the ability to manage all the assessments through your on-line dashboard that is provided when you complete the training. The training will provide hands on learning. Each registrant will have an opportunity to take the assessment prior to the training. Training #1 (optional): Discover DISC Basics Jan 8, 15, 22, 11am pacific/2pm eastern Training #2: DISC In-Depth Relationship Assessment (INDRA) Mark your calendar now! Conducted by Vicki Simmons. Watch RCI listserv for registration info. FOR MORE INFORMATION: -Listen to "INTRODUCTION DISC INDRA at http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/audio/index.htm -Read "DISCOVER YOUR RELATIONSHIP STYLE" at http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/newsletter/2003-07.htm -Visit http://www.mypracticebuilder.com or http://www.discprofileinfo.com/products.asp -Contact Vicki at vicki@vickisimmons.com --------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. COMING SOON- BRING “CONSCIOUS DATING” TO YOUR AREA OR NICHE In a few months we will launch “Conscious Dating” branded turn-key business packages for Certified and Master RCI coaches that wish to be leaders of relationship coaching for singles in their area or niche, including:
Our intention is to help you become wildly successful as the top resource for conscious singles in your area or niche. You can check our progress on our prototype website at http://sv.consciousdating.org/ We are doing this for you- your comments and suggestions are welcome! ---------------------------------------------------------------- 6. RCI COACH CONFERENCE CALLS ~ January 6; Singles Coaching with Laurie Cameron Our conference calls are FREE to RCI Coaches, and fall on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Tuesday of each month, 2:00pm pacific/5pm eastern. The RCI Member Support Forum meets Mondays at 3pm eastern. 7. WELCOME DR. JACKIE BLACK! We are pleased to announce that RCI coach Jackie Black has accepted the position of Director of Practice Development for RCI as well as President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com to take the reins from Ken Donaldson. In private practice for many years, in the past few years Jackie transitioned to a 100% virtual/portable practice and has a lifestyle of freedom and travel that many of us dream about. She brings extraordinary experience, skills, ideas, and energy for supporting relationship professionals to have successful practices, and I look forward to working closely with her for your benefit. Jackie@Relationshipcoachinginstitute.com ---------------------------------------------------------------- 8. COUPLES WORKSHOP FOR RELATIONSHIP PROFESSIONALS MARCH 19-22 RCI will be sponsoring a “Adventures In Intimacy,” a workshop for couples conducted by Hedy and Yumi Schleifer, March 19-22, 2004, in the San Francisco Bay Area for RCI Coaches and other relationship professionals who wish to bring their own relationship to the next level, as well as learn relationship tools and skills from these master trainers. The first three days will be the “Adventures In Intimacy” workshop for couples, and the fourth day is a gift from Hedy and Yumi for participating relationship professionals to connect more intimately with them, and each other, to deepen your learning about relationships. For more information visit http://www.hedyyumi.org/ More details will follow next month. In the meantime, please mark your calendar and spread the word to your colleagues about this unique and outstanding opportunity to combine your personal and professional relationship learning. You can assure yourself a spot for you and your partner by e-mailing me at and saying “Count us in!” Congrats!CONGRATS TO RCI's Director of Singles Programs Laurie Cameron who
CONGRATS TO Susan Chapman (Louisville, KY) who writes:
CONGRATS TO Yvonne Chase (Brooklyn, NY) who writes:
CONGRATS TO Peggy Joyce (Amarillo, TX) who writes:
--------------------------------------------------------- Have a win you would like to share? Any graduates from your coaching 'find the love of their life and the life that they love?' Please pass it on and we'll celebrate it! Feature ArticleTHE 13TH DATING TRAP
Women commonly dislike being evaluated or pursued by men solely for their physical attractiveness, and men commonly dislike being evaluated or pursued by women for their job or money. When we don’t know someone, it is natural to focus on the outside packaging. It is also understandable to be attracted to something that is very important to us, such as looks or money. Deep down we know that potential partners, like us, want to be viewed as multi-dimensional beings, not just a body or a wallet. Yet, in dating, whether straight or gay, young or old, unconscious singles commonly focus on the one big thing that attracts them, and then wonder why their relationships don’t work. I propose the “PACKAGING TRAP” as the 13th Dating Trap. In our culture we objectify people by focusing on their age, gender, race, clothes, hair, weight, job, finances, and other external characteristics, and make generalizations about who they are as a person. When scouting for potential partners, it is common for some singles to focus on the packaging first, then not see much else beyond that. This works both ways- rejecting some people because of their packaging, and pursuing others because of their packaging. Focusing on packaging can interfere even when you don’t intend to. True personal story- Maggie and I met on Match.com only after she had the smarts to modify her search criterion when she wasn’t finding anyone compatible. My search missed her because I selected 5’ 2” as my minimum height (Maggie is 5’ 1 ½”) and she selected her age and older (I’m 18 months younger). Neither of us intended to discriminate based upon such external packaging characteristics and reject potential partners younger or shorter! When Maggie modified her search criterion to include men a few years younger she found me, and I’m very glad she did. It is understandable to have preferences and reactions to external packaging; however, if our goal is an internal experience, such as to be happy, loved, and fulfilled in a relationship, we may need to balance our attraction to the outside packaging by paying more attention to the person inside. I recently had a conversation with a single friend who, after completing our Relationship Success Training for Singles program (RESTS), has been working with one of our relationship coaches for several years. He was frustrated about getting involved in relationships that appear promising in the beginning then don’t work out. He and I have had an on-going debate about his weight requirement- no more than 5 pounds overweight (I could never figure out how he would measure that!). Body shape was his first and primary sorting tool, pursuing women with great bodies (who were usually not attracted to him) and immediately rejecting women who were not slender. Still single and nearing retirement age, he was despairing of finding a partner. I like him a lot, wanted to see him happy in a relationship, and really wanted to help. This time, our conversation focused more specifically on the Law of Attraction, and how his weight “requirement” may be interfering with his success. Remember, the Law of Attraction can work for you or against you. If you objectify others by focusing on their packaging, then you will probably be objectified in return. As a man objectifying women by their appearance my friend might be attracting women who objectify him by his appearance, job, money, car, or other external packaging characteristic, and might not be capable of the kind of relationship he really wants. In our RESTS program, we specify that Requirements are almost always behavioral events in the relationship, not traits of a partner. This has been challenging for many singles that are used to making a list of what they want in their ideal partner. I like to say, “you can make a list of a hundred traits or qualities, find someone that meets all of them, and STILL be miserable.” We help singles refine their list and translate their requirements from traits of a partner into behavioral relationship events by asking “What does _____ mean to you?” and“What must happen in your relationship to be _____?” Any personal trait or characteristic can be transformed into a behavioral relationship event, such as “Good listener” into “Good communication” or “Deep listening to each other.” The more specific and bottom-line- the better. Most requirements go both ways and involve both partners, such as “good communication” and“addiction-free.” Balance is the key. RCI coach Mike McCartney said “JUST the outside without the inside won't work. JUST the inside without the outside won't work for the vast majority,” and I agree. It is natural to have some requirements related to packaging, such as race, height, age, and even body type or weight, but I prefer to de-emphasize focusing on packaging that doesn’t have much to do with a quality relationship, and emphasize what is required to have the life and relationship you want. In practice, very few external characteristics pass the requirements test- “If you were totally in love and really wanted this relationship to work, would you break it off because of _____?” The 2001 movie “Shallow Hal” has a great example of this. Jack Black as Hal, a single guy obsessed with external packaging, was hypnotized to see only the person inside and pursued Gwyneth Paltrow’s illusionary slim character. Then, when the hypnotic spell broke and he saw her actual obesity, he decided that her weight didn’t interfere with his love and desire for her. My friend held steadfastly to his weight requirement, fearing that if he let go of it, he would end up with someone he was not physically attracted to. I tried to reassure him that with the Law of Attraction “like attracts like,” and if he let go of focusing on weight he might be opening the door for his soul mate- a wonderful woman who is attracted to him, to whom he too will be attracted. At the end of the evening, my friend still seemed skeptical, but he said I gave him a lot to think about. I hope he can let go and give the Law of Attraction a chance to work for him- at this point he has nothing to lose! The 13th Dating Trap (to be added to the current “12 Dating Traps”):
© 2004 by David Steele / All right reserved / Invitations:
How do you like our newsletter? Your feedback is welcome! Until next time.... Best regards, PAST ISSUES OF THIS NEWSLETTER CAN BE FOUND HERE The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships. This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome! Our Mission: To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships. Copyright notice: This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#:1530-3055 To subscribe to our newsletters, visit here. |
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