Relationship Coaching News
March 2003

In this issue:

• Announcements
• Welcome New RCI Coaches
• Congrats
• Relationship Coaching Technology: “Just Friends' or Emotional Affair?”
• Practice Tips: "Autoresponder Primer"
• Invitations

Announcements

1. FREE Training Begins April 8th
2. Join our new, free Relationship Coaching Forum
3. New Partnership With Coach U
4. The CURE For Relationship Pain
5. Add Enneagram To Your Web Site- Free!
6. Welcome to our new Director of Practice Development!
7. RCI Conference Calls
8. Farewell Thomas Leonard
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1. FREE TRAINING BEGINS April 8th

Learn how to coach singles, couples, and develop a successful Relationship Coaching practice, taught by RCI founder David Steele and his teaching staff.

'Introduction to Relationship Coaching'- 3 one-hour teleclasses, Tuesdays, April 8, 15, and 22; 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.

April 8th: Class #1: How to Coach Singles
April 15th: Class #2: How to Coach Couples
April 22nd: Class #3: How to Build a Successful Relationship Coaching Practice

Each class includes practical information and materials you can use immediately in your practice.

Please share with your colleagues! To register, visit http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/freeteleclass.htm
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2. JOIN OUR RELATIONSHIP COACHING FORUM

This brand new on-line community will provide a place for you to share ideas, support, information, and resources with other helping professionals interested in Relationship Coaching.

You will be able to easily post your questions and ideas, read other posts, search for information you need, share files, list your events on a calendar, and send private messages to colleagues if you wish, without worrying about unwanted advertising, spam, or viruses.

Current Forum areas include Singles Topics, Couples Topics, General Coaching Topics, and Practice Development Topics. To get things started I posted a hot PR tip in the Practice Development Forum- "Amazing PR Opportunity for Relationship Coaches." Check it out!

Please join and help our new Relationship Coaching Forum get started!

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3. NEW PARTNERSHIP WITH COACH U

We are proud to announce that we are now the exclusive provider of relationship coaching training for Coach U, the first and largest international coach training program.

We will be conducting exclusive relationship coaching trainings for students and alumni of Coach U and Corporate Coach U, which have a combined enrollment of 1000 students per year.

If you are interested in coaching training, we recommend their FREE teleclasses and book titled "Becoming a Coach" visit http://www.CoachInc.com

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4. THE "CURE" FOR RELATIONSHIP PAIN

Paul and Layne Cutright have done it again. They have pioneered a process they call the "Conscious Upset Resolution Exercise" (C.U.R.E.) for using upsets and disagreements to quickly find and resolve the root cause of any upset, not merely salve the symptoms.

CURE will help your clients learn from their upsets - to truly find and take advantage of the learning and healing opportunity available when life and relationships trigger negative, painful reactions.

They write: "Upsets in life and our grievances with the people most important to us are among the most distracting and agitating parts of life. The good news is that we can use them as a gateway to self-knowledge, wisdom and personal power. The trick is in seeing deeper than the obvious to the real causes of the difficulty."

The Cutrights are providing a special tele-training in the use of the CURE - "You're Never Upset for the Reason You Think! The CURE for Relationship Pain." Four Tuesdays, March 4, 11, 18, and 25, 5pm pacific/8pm eastern.

Also, Paul and Layne are offering a FREE e-book- "How to Get Over It for Good! The CURE for Every Upset."

For more information, visit http://QuickPayPro.com/x/qpp.cgi?adminid=1970&id=32740&pid=7876

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5. ADD ENNEAGRAM TO YOUR WEB SITE- FREE!

The Enneagram Institute has generously agreed to provide the short version of their test for your web site for FREE to RCI coaches and subscribers to this newsletter. They normally charge $195.00.

You can view the RHETI Sampler at http://www.EnneagramInstitute.com. Click on "Free Short Test" in the navigation bar in the upper-left corner. Alternatively, to view how this package has been integrated into an existing coaching web site at http://www.BettyOwen.com.

If you would like to add this great feature to your web site, contact <!-- #BeginLibraryItem "/Library/mailto_Brenda.lbi" --> <script language="JavaScript" type="text/javascript"> var name = "Brenda"; var symbol = "\x40"; var domain = "RelationshipCoachInginstitute"; var dotcom = "com"; document.write("<a href=\"mailto:" + name + symbol + domain + "." + dotcom + "\">" + name + symbol + domain + "." + dotcom + "</a>"); // --> </script> <noscript> Brenda<del class="hide">DELETETHIS</del>@RelationshipCoachInginstitute<del class="hide">DELETETHIS</del>.com </noscript> <!-- #EndLibraryItem --> with "Enneagram" on the subject line and she will e-mail you the application as a PDF attachment.
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6. WELCOME TO OUR NEW DIRECTOR OF PRACTICE DEVELOPMENT!

We are pleased to announce that RCI Coach Ken Donaldson has accepted the position of Director of Practice Development for Relationship Coaching Institute.

Ken lives in Largo, Florida, and has done an outstanding job of transitioning his practice from therapy to coaching, and building a successful relationship coaching practice in his area. He really enjoys mentoring other coaches in building their practices.

As our Director of Practice Development, Ken will be responsible for supporting RCI Coaches to build successful practices by conducting our Practice Building Intensive, hosting conference calls, providing marketing materials, mentor coaching, coordinating with Tim Rhodes and RelationshipCoachingInstitute to provide referrals and other business opportunities to RCI coaches, and creating innovative ways for RCI coaches to leverage their affiliation with RCI to build successful practices.

To congratulate Ken and contact him for practice building support, e-mail Ken@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com

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7. RCI COACH CONFERENCE CALLS

~ March 4; Singles Coaching with Laurie Cameron
~ March 11; Practice Development with Laurie Cameron
~ March 18; Couples Coaching with Linda Marshall
~ EVERY MONDAY; RCI Member Support Tele-Forum with David Steele

Our conference calls are FREE to RCI Coaches, and fall on the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Tuesday of each month, 2:00pm pacific/5pm eastern. The RCI Member Support Forum meets Mondays at 3pm eastern.
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8. FAREWELL THOMAS LEONARD

Thomas Leonard died suddenly of a heart attack on Feb. 11th. He was my colleague, mentor, and inspiration. His example and advice helped shape my vision for relationship coaching and Relationship Coaching Institute. He designed our logo and helped us directly and indirectly in many ways, and I believe his legacy will continue to guide and support us. The founder of Coach U, International Coach Federation (ICF), and Coachville, his passing leaves a great hole in my life and our profession. I identified with him closely, being the same age and having the same passion for innovation and shaking up the status quo. Now I know that we share the risks of heart disease in our genes as well.

The part of me that disbelieves that this young, passionate, purposeful man is really gone, is hoping that he is playing a joke on us to make a point. It wouldn't be the first time Thomas has gone out on a limb to make a difference.

Thomas Leonard dug the well for the coaching profession. He was a great man. I will miss him greatly.

Take a few moments to honor this great man and learn more about him by visiting http://www.thomasleonard.com/

Welcome New RCI Coaches!

The following coaches joined our ranks this past month:

• Lisa Casey, MA, Oslo, Norway
• Wendy Demp, MA, Rochester Hills, MI
• Lorraine Edey, Ph.D., Longwood, FL
• Luella Peggy Fleet, Alberta, Canada
• Annya Ledakh, London, United Kingdom
• THANK YOU to Ariana Gorrill (UK) for referring Annya Ledakh!

And THANK YOU for telling your colleagues about RCI!

Congrats!

CONGRATS TO Lynn Minuk (Canada) who writes:

"Just updating you about the tele-forum and 'Sexy Singles Potluck Dinner' I had on Valentine's Day.

On the tele-forum we discussed many ways to share our love and warm wishes with everyone in our lives. We discussed the loss of Thomas Leonard, how important it is to be consciously aware of sharing our love on a daily basis not just once a year. There was a lot of support, encouragement and sharing on the call.

I also hosted a Potluck dinner for Singles in my area. I had approximately 15 people here. A good balance of men and women also. It was very successful!!! People told me they had a great time. There was food for an army. Some connections were made. I, myself, connected with a wonderful man. Let the 'sorting' begin!! I'll keep you all posted on how that develops. Everyone who attended thought it was a great idea to have a Singles Potluck Dinner. So, keep that in mind for next year, coaches!!!"

CONGRATS TO Bridget Brennan (St. Louis, MO) who writes:

I was interviewed by TV Fox News (St. Louis) regarding the Joe Millionaire
series.

Since I had never seen the show they brought me in to watch the segment where it is down to three women and they jet off to a beach. I alerted the TV reporter that I was very opposed to this program and that it undermines everything I believe in as a Relationship coach. She said that was fine. In the interview I basically cited that the women were not The Choosers, the relationships were built on a lie and they were buying into the Fairy Tale trap.

PS; a couple of reporters from this station have attended my classes, so when there is a relationship question they call me!"

CONGRATS TO Michelle Pourau (Australia) who writes:

"Just wanted to let you know that I was on local radio here in Melbourne last Thursday talking about the 12 dating traps, and then on 'the Coaching Show' on WS radio a few hours ago. It went great, and I will be on the radio show monthly - in fact my next 'appearance' is Feb 27!!!! I wanted to say THANKS for providing lots of information for me to talk about :-)"

Our coaches are certainly committed, talented, and making things happen! It is my honor to be part of this community that is making such a difference in the lives and relationships of others.

Have a win you would like to share? Any graduates from your RCI coaching 'find the love of their life and the life that they love?' Please pass it on and we'll celebrate it!

Relationship Coaching Technology

"JUST FRIENDS" OR EMOTIONAL AFFAIR?

Shirley Glass, Ph.D. is a researcher who has studied infidelity extensively and is author of the new book 'Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal' (Free Press). She has pioneered and studied the concept of "Emotional Affairs," finding that infidelity often starts by being "just friends," and even good marriages are vulnerable.

FACTS ABOUT INFIDELITY

• You can have an affair without sex. Infidelity is any emotional or sexual intimacy that violates trust.
• You are more at risk if others close to you have strayed.
• 75% of marriages between affair partners result in divorce.
• More than 90% of married people believe that monogamy is important, but almost half have affairs.

RED FLAGS

Glass identifies three 'red flags' that increase risk that a friendship might graduate to an emotional affair and result in infidelity:

#1: YOU ARE MORE BONDED TO YOUR FRIEND THAN YOUR SPOUSE

Risk increases when your friendship involves more emotional intimacy than with your spouse, especially if the friend is not clearly a friend of your marriage.

#2: SECRECY

Private, intimate conversations can increase risk when they are secret from your spouse and provide you an exciting escape from everyday life.

#3: SEXUAL CHEMISTRY

Seemingly harmless talking about mutual attraction and flirting increases risk of infidelity, even when both parties insist they will not act on their attraction and are "just friends."

Glass reports that all individuals and couples are vulnerable to infidelity, and that there is no way to "affair-proof" your marriage. However, she states "You can affair-proof yourself. We are all responsible for our own behavior."

HOW TO PREVENT INFIDELITY

1. MAINTAIN WALLS AND WINDOWS
   Keep the windows open at home and put up privacy walls with others who could threaten your marriage.
2. BE CAREFUL AT WORK
   Don't make a habit of taking private breaks or lunches with the same person. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public places.
3. DON'T TEMPT FATE
   Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship.
4. GET SUPPORT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP
   Discuss your relationship issues at home. If you need to talk with someone about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage or a professional.
5. AVOID THE 'EX'
   Research indicates that former lovers are hard to resist.
6. BE CAREFUL IN CYBERSPACE
   Keep appropriate boundaries with on-line friends by including your spouse and avoiding sexual topics.
7. CREATE A SUPPORTIVE COMMUNITY
   Surround yourself with friends and family supportive of your marriage.

For on-line quizzes to determine your vulnerability for infidelity, visit http://www.shirleyglass.com/quizzes.htm

For more information visit www.shirleyglass.com

Practice Tips

Autoresponder Primer
by RCI/RCI webmaster Ken Douglass

An autoresponder is an email system set up to automatically deliver a single email, or a series of pre-programmed emails. It can help you to respond automatically to your prospects and customers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

HOW AUTORESPONDERS WORK

You set up a special email address (the autoresponder address) which you make known to people by including it in the signature of your emails, on your website, or in articles you publish. You then compose an email containing the text information and/or include any file attachments which you want people to receive. As soon as someone clicks on your autoresponder's email address, a blank e-mail message can be sent and within minutes, your content is delivered to their inbox.

TYPES OF AUTORESPONDERS

1. INCLUDED WITH YOUR WEB HOST

Most web hosting packages will include a very simple autoresponder function. These are usually very simple to use but are very limited in what you can do with them. These are often good for delivering an auto-reply while you are out on vacation and other simple messages.

2. REMOTELY HOSTED

Enter "free autoresponder" into a search engine and you will come up with lots of third party web sites that offer autoresponder services. Some of these sites offer advanced and full featured services. If you do not want your users to be exposed to their advertising in every email you send out, you often have an option to pay for their ad-free plan. A recommended example of this type would be: GetResponse at http://www.getresponse.com

3. SELF-MANAGED SOFTWARE

These are programs you can install on your home/office computer. If you want to offer 24 hour, 7 days a week response though, the computer needs to be running continuously and set to automatically check your email accounts every few minutes. You do not need a web site for this, but you do need to set up a different email account for each autoresponder. A recommended example of this type would be: Promasoft at http://www.autoreplying.com/

4. WEB SERVER SOFTWARE

This is software that you install it on your web site's server and administer through a private web page at your web site. You will need to know whether your web server is a Unix type system or Windows, and check that the autoresponder software is compatible. A recommended example of this type would be: AutoResponsePlus at http://www.autoresponseplus.com/

DESIRED AUTORESPONDER FEATURES

1. SEQUENTIAL E-MAILS
This is the ability for one autoresponder address to dispatch a series of emails, according to a schedule you have predetermined. There can be lots of different people subscribing to this autoresponder at different times yet each person's series starts at the beginning.

Examples of when you would need this function:

a. E-Program; offer an 8 part class delivered via email

b. Follow-up marketing; respondents act to get a free copy of your "10 Tips for Success" by sending an email to tips@mysite.com, which also triggers a series of follow-up emails containing other offers.

2. BOUNCED E-MAIL MANAGEMENT
When you send to an email address that is no longer valid, the email will bounce back to you. Your autoresponder should have the ability to detect this and automatically remove the address from your list for you.

3. AUTOMATIC UNSUBSCRIBE
There must be an easy way for your recipients to unsubscribe without your involvement. Ideally, each of your emails would have an unsubscribe link at the bottom which when clicked, will automatically remove the person from that autoresponder.

3. IMPORT/EXPORT DATA
If you have a pre-existing email list, you will want a way to easily import it into your autoresponder program. You will also need a way to export the data regularly so you can save a backup copy or use it for other purposes.

4. QUANTITY
Is the number of autoresponders you can have limited? Will you have enough for your needs?

5. FILE ATTACHMENTS
Can you include file attachments in your messages?

6. DOUBLE OPT-IN
This is a confirmation mechanism to guarantee that your recipient is the same person that opted to receive your messages, to prevent anyone from maliciously subscribing unwilling recipients.

7. HTML FORMAT
Can you send HTML formatted emails to add stationary, graphics, and other HTML features?

8. HTML AUTHORING
Can you author HTML formatted emails from within the program or will you need to find another way to do this?

9. AOL COMPATIBILITY
The email software used by AOL members has been designed around standards which are not fully compatible with the rest of the Internet and does not support most HTML formatting. If you want AOL users to have a clickable hyperlink in your emails and be able to view your formatting and/or images, the emails you send out must be designed with these limitations in mind.

10. HTML CODE FOR SUBSCRIBE FORMS
Does the program provide you the HTML code you need to copy and paste into your web pages for subscribe forms? This allows visitors to your web site to type in their e-mail address and subscribe to your autoresponder. Advanced features include creating other custom entry fields to collect more info.

11. CUSTOM VARIABLE OR MERGE FIELDS
Like mail merge can customize a mass mailing with your customer's name, but more useful. These custom variables could be any info that has been collected via forms you might use on your web pages. This allows you to personalize your autoresponder messages.

12. COMBINED HTML AND PLAIN TEXT
Some users prefer to receive only plain text emails, and even deliberately turn off their email program's ability to display HTML. If your autoresponder software can send your message in both HTML and plain text combined, you will not need to create a separate plain text version and ask users which format they prefer to receive.

13. GOOD TECHNICAL SUPPORT
Is your business image and success going to be affected by the reliability and performance of your autoresponders? If so, be sure you can get tech support when you need it!

14. MULTIPLE WEB SITES
Your license/agreement often allows for use by only one web site, but you may want autoresponders that use more than one domain name like: info@cats.com and info@dogs.com

15. SELECTIVE BROADCASTING
Can you produce a report of all users who have subscribed to your x, y. and z autoresponders, and broadcast a one-time email to them all? This is good for newsletters and special offers.

Ken Douglass is webmaster for www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com and http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com. If you are interested in his services, he may be contacted at

Invitations:

• I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of us. Be visible! Let's connect! Send them to me at
• I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague. There is a tremendous need for our services, and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy, and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship.
• I invite you to listen to the following introductory recordings 24 hours a day at your convenience online. (some are also available by telephone):
  • Introduction to Relationship Coaching
  • Finding The Love Of Your Life AND The Life That You Love
  • Conscious Dating For Relationship Success
  • All About RCI
  • Practice Building Intensive (sample conference call)
  • And more!
• I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc.
• If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to visit our web site and contact us for information on joining us and becoming a RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coach. Ask about getting a free copy of our introductory audiotape, and about our free teleclasses.
• To subscribe to this newsletter, our newsletter for SINGLES, or our newsletter for COUPLES, see this page.
• For a description of RCI relationship coaching trainings, schedule, and enrollment info, visit http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

How do you like our newsletter?
Your feedback is welcome! Until next time....
Best regards,
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Relationship Coach
CEO and Founder of RelationshipCoachingInstitute/Relationship Coaching Institute

http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
http://www.BuildingYourIdealPractice.com
http://www.ConsciousDating.com
www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
http://www.David.Steele.name
408-261-3332

PAST ISSUES OF THIS NEWSLETTER CAN BE FOUND HERE

The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.

This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome!

Our Mission: To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.

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