1. Free Introductory Training begins July 1st
2. "All About RCI" Conference Call July 22nd
3. NEW audio recordings available
4. NEW- "Best Practice Building Tips" E-program
5. Join our next Practice Building Intensive- FREE to our subscribers- Starts July 1st
6. RCI Conference Calls
7. Lifetime membership now available
NINE CEU's are available for eligible mental health professionals participating in this training.
To qualify you must contact us PRIOR to the start of the training- Jana@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
This is a one-hour conference call for helping professionals interested in RCI trainings and
programs. We detail our programs and membership benefits and answer your questions.
=> Monday, July 22, 9am pacific/Noon eastern
To register, e-mail
Curious about RCI/RCI? Join us! Please pass the word!
Interested in our teleclasses but can't attend? Listen by telephone or web audio at your convenience
by visiting http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com/audio/index.htm
including:
-All About RCI
-Introduction To Relationship Coaching
-Practice Building Intensive
-And more!
This is a FREE 14 day E-program of practical, creative, and detailed tips for building and managing
your practice. To register, send a blank e-mail to RCI-18920@autocontactor.com
Expecting a slow summer? This is a great time to design and build your ideal practice!
This 3 month step-by-step program is FREE as a gift from Relationship Coaching Institute. We
truly wish to support our colleagues to have successful practices, whether you chose to join RCI
or not.
You now can join RCI and access all of our trainings and benefits for Life, at less than the
cost of most other coach training programs. For info e-mail Inquiry@relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
Welcome New RCI Coaches!
The following coaches joined our ranks this past month:
Ariana Canfield, OMD, Santa Fe, NM
Jack Hill, M.Div, Milpitas, CA
Julie Hill, Denver, CO
THANK YOU to Dave Williams (Canada) for referring Arian Canfield
And… THANK YOU for telling your colleagues about RCI!
Relationship Coaching Technology:
BUILDING YOUR CHOSEN COMMUNITY
By David Steele
In today's world, fewer and fewer people choose to live and work in the communities in which
they grew up. As our society has changed over time, we seem to have lost the art of community.
Without a built-in support system we must create what we need, but as mobility and the divorce
rate increases our fragmentation, many of us grow up without community and don't know we need
it. We increasingly place our social and emotional support needs on our primary relationships.
This is more weight than any relationship can carry, and eventually it collapses under the pressure.
A single relationship, no matter how compatible, cannot meet all of our needs.
Without a built-in community, we must intentionally create our own support system. While most
of us have friends and family, I find that few people have a large enough support community and
allow themselves to be supportable to our network. Building a network of close, mutually beneficial
relationships requires time, effort, and intention.
This exercise will help you to assess your current community of relationships and provide suggestions
for improving the quality and quantity of intimacy and connection in your life, whether you are
(or will be) with a partner or not.
Step 1: LIST YOUR INTIMATES
Intimates are people you allow into your inner circle as your closest friends and confidants.
They are like family to you, and may include family members. You tell them the whole truth about
yourself and your life, and rely on them for support when you are most vulnerable. You share all
your joys and sorrows with them. These are people you would call first in an emergency, would
trust them with your life, and would allow yourself to borrow or lend money to if needed. If you
relocated, you would stay in close touch with them. . If you are like many people today, it is
possible you don't have anyone like this in your life.
Step 2: LIST YOUR FRIENDS
Friends are people you get together with to have fun and socialize. Often, they are your friends
due to a shared interest (sports, hobbies, etc) or proximity (neighbors, co-workers, etc). It
is common for friendships not to extend beyond the interests you have in common, but if they do,
it is usually fun-oriented (such as spending a weekend together), and limited in authentic intimacy.
If you relocated, you would most likely lose touch with them.
Step 3: LIST YOUR ACQUAINTANCES
Acquaintances are people you know, but don't get together with socially. They might be neighbors,
co-workers, colleagues, fellow students, etc, that you chat with when in proximity, and you may
even like them a lot, but have not pursued a friendship beyond the context in which you happen
to share proximity.
Step 4: REVIEW YOUR LIST
Are you satisfied with your support community?
Are all your social and emotional needs met?
Do you ask for help and allow yourself to be supported by them?
Do you experience a satisfying level of trust, love, intimacy, connection, and giving/receiving?
Are you being supported in your life goals?
Do you feel secure that no matter what happens in your life, you will be taken care of?
Would you drop everything and make tremendous personal sacrifices for your intimates, if needed?
Would they for you?
Are you ever alone when you don't want to be?
Do you share major holidays, birthdays, and significant events with your community?
Do you feel free to pick up the phone and call anytime? To drop by unexpectedly?
Step 5: DEFINE YOUR IDEAL COMMUNITY
Use the above questions to stimulate ideas for your ideal support community. In addition:
What are your Requirements, Needs, and Wants for Intimates and Friends?
How large would your circle be? How many Intimates and Friends would you have?
What would you do with them?
How would your life and lifestyle be different?
How would they support you?
How would you "show up" for them?
Step 6: BE THE "CHOOSER"
Compare your Requirements, Needs and Wants for Intimates and Friends with the people on your
list.
Are there one or more of your current Intimates that you should move into the "Friends"
or "Acquaintances" category?
Are there one or more Friends you would like to move into the "Intimates" category?
Are there one or more Acquaintances you would like to move into the "Friends" or
"Intimates" category?
What do you need to do to create the relationships that you want to have with your Friends
and Intimates?
Do you need to bring more people into your life to have the support community that you really
want? How can you do so?
Copyright 2002 Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved / http://www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com
Note: This is just one of the tools we use in our relationship coaching programs, and you are
welcome to use it with your clients as long as you provide attribution and our contact info.
TOP 5 WAYS TO HANDLE E-MAIL EFFECTIVELY
by David Steele
As you increasingly use e-mail to market and correspond with prospects and clients, participate
in on-line communities such as RCI, keep in touch with friends and family, etc, you may need to
take some steps to handle your e-mail effectively. These are my top five recommendations:
GET ANTI-VIRUS PROTECTION
Without anti-virus protection, you WILL eventually experience a crash of your computer and lose
all the data that you have not backed up. This is a frustrating and costly experience that you
can easily avoid.
RECOMMENDATION: if you do not have anti-virus protection, IMMEDIATELY go to http://www.mcafee.com/myapps/vso/default.asp?
and sign for McAfee's VirusScan Online for $29.95 per year. This is CHEAP and effective insurance.
You will be glad you did.
DO NOT OPEN ATTACHMENTS!
Got your attention? Good. Let's expand on that to say "Do not open attachments unless you
are sure about them," because most viruses are delivered as attachments to e-mails and
can be very seductive in tempting you to open them, including using the e-mail address of someone
you know.
How to be sure that an attachment is OK to open?
Look for these 3 things:
FAMILIAR SENDER: If you know the sender, you STILL must be careful and follow the steps
in B and C below. NEVER open an attachment from an unfamiliar sender- delete immediately!
EXPECT THE ATTACHMENT: In today's world, most of your fellow computer users know not to
open unexpected attachments, and shouldn't expect you to do so as well.
If the attachment is from a familiar sender, but unexpected, DO NOT OPEN IT! Viruses can
get sent unknowingly from anyone's address book- even yours! Send them an e-mail and ask
them if they sent you an attachment, and if so, "what" and "why?"
FAMILIAR FORMAT: Look at the file extension of the attachment, which are the letters after
the dot following the name of the file. If in a familiar format, such at JPEG (graphic/pictures),
TXT, DOC, etc, you are probably safe- IF you know the sender AND expect the attachment.
NEVER open attachments with EXE, which is a program that will execute itself immediately
when you open it.
USE FOLDERS LIBERALLY
Keep your inbox as empty as possible by creating folders for all the kinds of e-mail you receive.
If you don't have a place for an e-mail and you don't want to delete it, create a folder for
it! You can use folders for projects, people, organizations, niches, newsletters, possible newsletter
items, etc.
Once your e-mail is organized into folders, you can easily locate them for future reference,
and can more easily back them up onto a disk.
MANAGE YOUR TIME
Do not allow your e-mail to rule your life. Decide when, how often, and how long you will check
and work on your e-mail. It is tempting to be reactive and check your e-mail multiple times
per day, answering everything that comes in immediately. Unless you are at your desk all day
and work on your computer for a living, this is not a good idea if you want to have a life.
DELETE SPAM
This might sound like an obviously simple statement, but many don't follow it.
Spam is unsolicited promotional e-mail, and a fact of life that we can't avoid. No spam filter
will screen out all spam. If you try to follow their instructions to remove yourself from their
lists, you will receive even more, because you have confirmed for them that your e-mail address
is valid and that you read unsolicited e-mail. There are some tricks to minimize spam that are
beyond the scope of this article, and won't eliminate spam anyway, so there is no substitute
for using your "delete" button.
For some users, is not unusual to receive 200+ e-mails per day, including100+ spam e-mails per
day. When downloading a day's e-mail, it takes less than a minute or two to visually scan your
inbox for spam and delete them. Like junk mail from the Post Office, don't feel like you have
to read each one, or try to get removed from their list. Your life will be far simpler if you
just delete them quickly and move on.
Invitations:
I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of
us. Be visible! Let's connect! Send them to me at
I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague. There is a tremendous need for our
services, and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in its infancy, and we must
collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who
wants a successful relationship.
Finding The Love Of Your Life AND The Life That You Love
Conscious Dating For Relationship Success
All About RCI
Practice Building Intensive (sample conference call)
And more!
I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available
for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc.
If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to visit
our web site and contact us for information on joining us
and becoming a RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coach. Ask about getting a free copy of our introductory
audiotape, and about our free teleclasses.
To subscribe to this newsletter, our newsletter for SINGLES, or our newsletter for COUPLES,
see this page.
For a description of RCI relationship coaching trainings, schedule, and enrollment info, visit
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com
How do you like our newsletter?
Your feedback is welcome! Until next time....
Best regards,
David Steele, MA, LMFT
Relationship Coach
CEO and Founder of RelationshipCoachingInstitute/Relationship Coaching Institute
The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong
community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships.
This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RCI Relationship Coaches, and is available
to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback
are welcome!
Our Mission: To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their
life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships.
Copyright notice: This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share
with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress
ISSN#:1530-3055
