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Archived Newsletter Articles | Current In this issue:
1. PRACTICE BUILDING INTENSIVE Led by RCI founder and CEO David Steele,
this 3 month, small group program will meet weekly to help a few select
coaches who are SERIOUS about having the practice of their DREAMS and
are ready to ACT NOW and use this opportunity to MAKE IT HAPPEN! Cost
is $425.00 (or $150.00 per month). Interested? There is an opening in
the PBI that meets Thursdays 9am pacific/Noon eastern, or let us know
your day/time preferences. Contact
2.FREE TRAINING! "Introduction To Relationship Coaching For Singles"
; 3 one hour teleclasses, June 4, 6, and 8, 9:00am pacific/Noon eastern.
This class will cover how to coach singles and develop a successful Relationship
Coaching practice, conducted by David Steele, Laurie Cameron, and Darlene
Davis. Please pass this on to your colleagues! To register, visit www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com/teleclass.html 3. ATTRACTION COACHING TRAINING with David Steele and Marvin Cohen;
Four Thursdays, June 7, 14, 21, and 28, 10-11:00am pacific, 1-2:00pm eastern.
This training is for RCI Coaches who have completed the RESTS training
and are ready to learn how to coach singles to be successful in finding
their Life Partner. To register, visit www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com/members/. 4. LEVEL I COUPLES COACHING TRAINING with Linda Marshall; Eight Fridays,
June 22 - August 10, 10:30-11:30am pacific/1:30-2:30pm EST. This training
is for RCI Coaches who have completed the RESTS training and are ready
to learn how to coach pre-committed and committed couples to have a successful
and fulfilling Life Partnership. Cost is $230.00. To register, visit www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com/members/. 5. RCI COACH CONFERENCE CALLS 6. LET'S BUILD OUR NEWSLETTERS TOGETHER! 7. NEW COUPLE PROGRAMS; Our friends Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee,
authors of "The New Couple" are rolling out new teleclass programs for
singles, couples, and professionals; some are free. For info check out
www.newcouple.com or call 888-639-8612.
The following coaches joined our ranks this past month: Tracy Manyfield, Columbus, OH
Many of our new coaches come to RCI by word of mouth; we appreciate your
confidence in us by telling your colleagues! CONGRATS TO our newest "Certified RelationshipCoachingInstitute Coach": Moira Martin, MA, Houston TX CONGRATS TO our newest "Master RelationshipCoachingInstitute Coach": Alice Carlton, MSW, Chapel Hill, NC CONGRATS TO Paulette Bethel, (San Antonio, TX) who was featured in an "Ask The Experts" section of a local wedding planning website, and they may have her do a series. Check out http://sanantonio.weddingvillage.com/experts/lifepartner.htm, an excellent example of leveraging RCI material to promote your services. CONGRATS TO Roz Van Meter (Dallas, TX) for the debut of "Slim Seekers" , to "provide strategies and support to help you gently but inexorably change your life, not only in body but in spirit." I particularly liked this comment from her new "Slim-Seekers Gazette"; "Your figure is fleeting, but your body is your Space Suit here on earth. It's with you as long as you hang around. It's also the source of your sensual pleasure. Gotta love and appreciate your body." For info, contact Roz at roz@coachroz.com CONGRATS TO Bridget Brennan (St. Louis, MO) who received the following from one of her RESTS graduates: "I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed the Relationship Skills Training for Singles class which wrapped up last Friday. I got a lot more out of the class than I thought I would and feel it will be helpful in the future. At first, the concept of "My Perfect Life" seemed uncomfortable but quickly led into other related thoughts & feelings that made sense. Without coaching, it is difficult to impossible to look outside oneself and put a finger on our own thought processes. Your course has helped point the way. Please consider this "Thanks" from one of your students." ----------------------------------------------------------------- Our coaches are certainly committed, talented, and making things happen! It is my honor to be part of this community that is making such a difference in the lives and relationships of others. Have a win you would like to share? Any graduates from your RCI coaching "find the love of their life and the life that they love?" Please pass it on and we'll celebrate it! Relationship Coaching Technology COACHING COMMITTED VS. PRE-COMMITTED COUPLES In today's complex world where divorce, serial marriages, co-habitation, unwed/single parents, etc are increasingly the norm, couples and helping professionals can easily confuse commitment and pre-commitment, and there is often a difference between fact and attitude, such as a married couple asking "Is this relationship right for me?". In this article I will attempt to define pre-commitment and commitment, identify the types of couples seeking help for their relationship, and make some recommendations about how to coach them. Many helping professionals do not distinguish between committed and pre-committed couples, approaching all couples in the same manner, either always being neutral about whether the couple should stay together, or always advocating making the relationship work. In my opinion, it is a mistake to take the same position with all couples, because the agenda, attitude, and circumstances of a committed couple can be very different from that of a pre-committed couple, and must be highlighted and taken into account when working with them. A pre-committed couple have not yet made a commitment, and at some level are wondering "Is this 'The One'? Should I be with this person for the rest of my life?" The pre-commitment stage is the period between becoming an exclusive (dating) couple and making an explicit, formal commitment, if that is their goal. In my experience, the vast majority of these couples seeking support for their relationship do have commitment as their goal, whether it is with their current partner or not. A committed couple have typically performed an identifiable act, symbolic or formal, to become committed; usually, but not always, with the intention of staying together for Life. Their commitment is explicit, and both are well aware of it. In this context, most people would say there are no exits, and unhappiness alone is not a viable reason to leave the relationship. Commitment is usually a gradual process, starting with agreeing to the first meeting, the first date, planning future dates, spending time and money together, becoming exclusive, becoming sexually involved, meeting each other's family, spending the weekend together, etc. All are steps toward increasing commitment. Many people fear commitment but want the benefit of a committed relationship, so they will make committed choices and actions, but not make a mental or emotional commitment. Sorting out whether the couple is committed or not, and helping them align their attitudes with their choices, is often my first step in coaching today's couples. Here are some committed/pre-committed couple combinations that I have experienced: Type 1: Both are pre-committed For Type 1 couples, where both are pre-committed with commitment as their goal, I consider my job to be neutral and help them achieve the clarity they need to make a decision to commit or not, and to be careful about helping them "work" on their relationship, especially then the problems are unsolvable (requires one partner to "change"). It is important that each party have clarity about their Vision and Requirements, and to decide whether this relationship is aligned with who they are and what they want. We need to help them gather the information and knowledge they need to answer for themselves "Is this the right relationship for me?", to support them to make a sustainable, long-term relationship choice. For more on this subject see "Pre-commitment Coaching- Keeping Up With The Times" at www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com/pro/newsletter-november1999.htm#Technology With Type 2 couples, if one is pre-committed and the other has a committed attitude, their incongruency should probably be the first issue for coaching. I had one couple who came in and first thing the guy said was "We've been dating for a couple of months now and we're real committed to this relationship!". The woman, on the other hand, had serious reservations about the viability of the relationship, and was present because he pressured her to "work" on her issues. I had another couple that have been living together for 7 years; she talking about commitment and marriage the entire time, while he continually put her off until he was "sure". Type 3 couples have a prematurely committed attitude. Admittedly, this is a judgment, however, when a couple comes in and one is married and still living with their spouse (an "affair"), or they have only known each other a few months, or if they met on-line and yet to meet in person, it is hard not to judge their "commitment" as premature! Type 4 couples are both committed in actions and attitude, and the challenges in their relationship are not reasons to think or talk about leaving. This kind of commitment sustains couples through the hard times and strengthens their relationship. They tend to be the most gratifying to coach and have the best long term prognosis of all the types of couples. I can understand why some helping professionals would want to assume that all their couples fit this category. Type 5 couples are committed in action or fact, yet have a pre-committed attitude where both are verbalizing doubts about their desire to stay in the relationship. This includes married couples, but also includes unmarried couples that have had children together, bought property, co-habitate, and have made clear commitments by their actions, but continue to leave the back door open. If a committed couple comes in and wants my help to determine whether to stay in the relationship, I explain that if they have made a commitment my job is to help them make it work, and I talk with them about their level of commitment and have them examine their attitudes and choices. I am not neutral about commitment. I assume that their agenda is to keep their commitment, and we need to discuss and agree on that agenda if we are to work together. As stated above, their commitment is what can sustain them and help them overcome challenges, and an uncommitted attitude becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy which undermines their relationship and the outcome of our work together. Helping couples align their choices with their attitudes requires a judgment that they are not in alignment. As coaches, we walk a fine line because we do not want to play "expert" and impose judgments on a couple, however, I do believe it is necessary to have some basic beliefs and assumptions about relationships, to share them with our clients, and be willing to let go of them and defer to the client's truth. By using our coaching skills, such as asking powerful questions, we can help our clients explore their attitudes and choices in their relationship, decide upon their values and goals, and support them to get what they want, without imposing our judgments upon them. In truth though, our assumptions, beliefs and attitudes will influence our clients, so it is important for us to be conscious and take responsibility for them If we are to have a role in lowering the divorce rate and helping our clients to have successful Life Partnerships, it is my opinion that we need to assess what type of couple we are coaching, and help pre-committed couples (type 1) make their choices with clarity and objectivity, help committed couples (type 4) honor their commitment, and help confused or misaligned couples (type 2,3,5) learn enough about themselves and relationships to make good long-term relationship choices. MARKETING EFFECTIVELY WITH PRESENTATIONS Giving presentations is the second most effective marketing strategy for helping professionals (#1 is getting referrals from clients). Most successful practitioners regularly give presentations. There are two primary ways to give presentations; organizing your own event, or presenting to a gathering organized by others. Organizing your own events is the best means of promoting your services, as you can control all the variables, and results in more highly qualified leads. There are also two primary modalities for giving presentations; in person and over the telephone in conference calls or teleclasses. Soon, internet radio, chats, and streaming video will become more common ways to present to an audience. Below are 10 ways to maximize your marketing effectiveness when giving presentations. 1. RULE #1- GET CONTACT INFO! If your event is free, the price of admission should be that people give their contact info. Have everyone register before entering on a sign-in sheet with at least their name, e-mail address, and telephone #. Have several clipboards so it doesn't hold things up. If a teleclass, use a registration system where you give the bridge # to participants only after you have their e-mail address. If you are presenting in a venue that doesn't have a built-in means of collecting contact info, get creative! 2. PROVIDE MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES TO "OPT-IN"; For example, (1) On the registration form, add an "opt-in" line for them to check "Yes! Please subscribe me to your informative newsletter" or similar offer. (2) Have a sign up sheet for a promotion, such as a free consultation, with a prominent sign, somewhere in the room. (3) Have a checklist of "Please contact me about_" on the event evaluation, etc. (4) Have a drawing where they sign up or drop a business card in a box to win a book, tape, service, etc. (5) The signature line of every e-mail should have an invitation to subscribe to your newsletter, contact you about a service, etc. 3. FOLLOW UP YOUR LEADS; If you followed Rule #1, almost everyone attending should be a lead, as well as people that contacted you that they were interested but couldn't make it. In the day or so after the event, contact them all in some way. You could send them a thank you note, sample newsletter (e-mail or snail mail), invitation to your next event, a "call to action" to contact you by a certain date for a free consultation, call them to connect/invite/ask for feedback, etc. The attendees that "opted in" gave you their permission to contact them, and the ones that didn't will most likely not object to a one-time, respectful (non-pushy) contact. 4. FOLLOW UP YOUR EVENT! Leverage the time, effort, and expense of putting on your event by planning follow-up events. Plan them a year in advance- weekly, monthly, quarterly, etc. Announce the dates and topics to everyone that attends or expresses interest, and ask them to tell their friends. Include events organized by others in which you will be presenting. NEVER leave without the audience knowing the next opportunity to catch your act. 5. CREATE A SYSTEM; Leverage your time, effort, and expenses by planning the details of how to market and implement your events, how to generate and follow up leads, how to convert prospects to clients, who your target audience is and what services/products they want/need that you will offer them, how to promote word of mouth (the most effective marketing strategy!), how you will get everything done and who will help you, etc. Do everything that you can to make these decisions once, in advance, to maximize your efforts and minimize costly trial and error and disorganization that will sabotage your success. 6. PROMOTE ENGAGEMENT; Use name tags, enlist volunteers to free you so you can personally greet everyone as they come in, provide light refreshments during breaks, organize a pre-event mixer and/or group, use ice-breakers, make your presentation interactive, break them into small groups, do all that you can to involve/engage everyone present. 7. GET FEEDBACK; At the end, pass out or e-mail a short evaluation form and ask attendees to fill it out. Ask how they liked the presentation, what topics they would like to hear in the future, and most importantly, have a short checklist beginning with "Please contact me about" and include your services, products, and a place for them to put their name and telephone #. 8. PROVIDE TAKE-AWAYS; such as handouts from your presentation, an audiotape, pen, bookmark, fliers, announcements, schedules, newsletters, article reprints, brochures, business cards, etc, all with your contact info prominently displayed. Even better, organize all these in a folder, envelope, or bag to pass out to attendees. By e-mail these can be notes from your presentation, additional information, and links to articles and resources. 9. FOLLOW UP CONTACTS; The following statistics are from marketing guru Fred Raley:
This means you need a way to stay in touch with your leads through newsletters, announcements, special offers, future events, seasonal promotions, etc. It is incredibly easier and more effective to market internally than externally, so your efforts mining your existing leads have the highest chances for success. DON'T DROP THE BALL! 10. BUILD YOUR CONTACT DATABASE; Success is a numbers game, and you
will be much more successful with a list of 2,000 qualified prospects
than not. Your goal should be to steadily build your contact list name
by name, contact by contact. If you have an announcement or newsletter
list (and you should), ask recipients to forward to their friends. Look
for opportunities everywhere you go to identify prospects and exchange
contact information, and to seek opportunities to present, especially
in groups and settings where your ideal client is likely to be.
How do you like our newsletter? Best regards, David Steele, MA, LMFT FOR PAST ISSUES OF THIS NEWSLETTER GO TO: The purpose of this newsletter is to connect, support each other, inform, and build a strong community of coaches dedicated to helping people find fulfillment in their lives and relationships. This monthly newsletter is written for the benefit of RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coaches, and is available to interested others. Feel free to share this with a colleague. Your submissions and feedback are welcome! Our Mission: To provide the tools, information and support to help singles find the love of their life and the life that they love, and to help couples co-create fulfilling and lasting Life Partnerships. Copyright notice: This newsletter is copyrighted and all rights are reserved. Feel free to share with others as long as our contact information and authorship is included. U.S. Library of Congress ISSN#: 1530-3055 To subscribe or unsubscribe to this newsletter simply send an e-mail to CoachingNews@RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com and put "subscribe" or "unsubscribe" on the subject line. |
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