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Relationship Coaching News
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In this issue: 1. Announcements; Free web page for licensees- add your practice profile to our website! 2. Welcome New RCI Coaches 3. Congratulations! 4. Practice tips; Fill Your Practice During the Holidays 5. Relationship Coaching technology; Pre-Commitment Coaching- Keeping Up With the Times 6. Invitations
Welcome New RCI Coaches! The following coaches joined our ranks this past month: Ronald DeVrou, MSW, Washington DC Deborah Daly, MA, San Jose, CA Karen Gebura, MA, San Mateo, CA Mary Lou Johnstone, MA, W. Bloomfield, MI Elyse Killoran, Hauppauge, NY Marla Lipschultz, Campbell, CA Burke Miller, MA, Seattle, WA Diana Owens, MSW, Prescott, AZ Wanda Ross, Ph.D., Fremont, CA Staci Shreeve, Seattle, WA THANK YOU! Barry North (Seattle, WA) for referring Staci Shreeve! Note: If I neglect to acknowledge a referral, it is most likely because I do not have the info- please let me know if this happens. Congratulations! Deborah Daly (CA), Mary Lou Johnstone (MI), Burke Miller (WA) and Diana Owens (AZ) graduated from the RESTS Program in October and became RCI Coaches. Congrats and welcome aboard! Also completing the above program were licensees Salila Shen (CO) and Marion Stansbury (CT), both experienced RelationshipCoachingInstitute coaches who wanted to improve their skills. Good work!! Congrats to Staci Shreeve for hosting Seattle's first Friday Night Social on 10/22! Congrats to Laurie Cameron (Denver, CO) for starting her second RelationshipCoachingInstitute class and publishing an article in a local singles newspaper. Laurie sent me the newspaper, and a great looking flyer for her class- top notch! Great job Laurie! Have a win you would like to share? Any graduates from your RCI coaching "find the love of their life and the life that they love?" Please pass it on and we'll celebrate it! Practice Tips Fill Your Practice During The Holidays Most helping professionals experience a seasonal slump in their practice that begins in the middle of November as people gear up for Thanksgiving, and lasts through January as they focus on family, shopping, travel, social events, etc. As Relationship Coaches, I DECLARE YOU EXEMPT FROM THIS SEASONAL SLUMP! While the above will certainly be true for couples and most forms of therapy and personal growth work, this is the BEST time of year to reach singles, who are more likely to be in touch with their desire and motivation for a Life Partner during the holidays than at any other time of the year. This is your opportunity. Act now if you don't have a full practice and want to change that. Some suggestions: 1. Review last month's Relationship Coaching News for marketing ideas and put them into action. 2. As you socialize during the holidays look for opportunities to find singles and engage them in the "Coaching Conversation". 3. Offer to speak at singles groups, host your own presentation for singles, or partner with other coaches and therapists, you will find a ready and willing audience. 4. Place an ad such as "Dateless for the milennium? Call _ _ _ _." Or, if you prefer a more positive approach, "Single and want to celebrate the millenium with your Life Partner? Call _ _ _ _." Advertising is normally a costly experiment with mixed results, but should pay off much better at this time of year. Go for it! Coaching Technology Pre-Commitment Coaching- Keeping Up With The Times, Part I A few years ago, without any marketing on my part, I started to see a new kind of couple show up in my practice, and more of them over time. This couple would announce to me that they have been seeing each other for awhile and are thinking of taking the next step toward commitment, and want my help in determining if this would be a good long-term relationship choice for them. Sometimes an individual would consult me for a "reality check", but more often it was the couple. At first I wasn't quite sure what to do with them, I didn't have a crystal ball and I couldn't find an existing model of helping these clients determine if this relationship was a good long-term choice. They were not a committed couple and most of my training, experience, and tools did not apply; I didn't even know what to call them, the current language of my profession did not seem to recognize this kind of couple. Like most other therapists in this position that I have talked to since, I started working with them from a "pre-marital" perspective, but that didn't seem right to me as they were not in the same place in their life or relationship as a pre-marital couple. In pre-marital counseling, the couple has made a commitment to each other and seek support in getting their relationship off to a good start. Since these new couples were not yet committed and trying to decide whether to take that step, I decided to temporarily call them "pre-committed" until I could think of something better (I haven't yet! Any ideas?). From a coaching perspective, my job is to honor my client's goals and agenda. As a Relationship Coach, the questions I ask and the tools I choose depend upon the client's agenda, which begins as their reason for hiring me. With a pre-marital couple, if they have made a commitment and want my support in making it work, my job is to coach them to do so and not judge or question whether they made a good choice or not. Along the way, one or both individuals may question their relationship choice, at which point their agenda then intersects with the pre-committed couple, who is asking themselves if this is the right relationship for them. I believe the pre-committed couple to be a phenomenon of our times. The divorce rate and it's incredibly high social costs finally seems to have penetrated the consciousness of our culture. Singles today are more realistic, skeptical, cautious and fearful of failure. It is becoming harder to find singles over 30 that believe the stereotypical romantic ideal and are willing to "follow their heart" and plunge blindly into a committed relationship. As a result of this phenomenon, the U.S. marriage rate is declining. I believe this is good; a move toward "quality" over "quantity". Does this mean that less people want a Life Partnership? I don't think so. I believe the great majority of singles still want a committed relationship, however, I think they are becoming better informed consumers who don't want to be sold a lemon. While the nature and dynamics of committed relationships are evolving over time (for example, the "Icebreaker, "Parenting", "Self-actualizing" and "Soul mate" marriages proposed by futurist S. Burchstad, who asserts that in the future we will marry at least four times in our lifetime), the desire for committed relationships seems to remain constant. This is where you come in. The great majority of singles have a successful committed relationship as their goal, and are not clear about how to achieve this goal. They will date until they find someone they want to get serious with, then ask themselves "Is this the right relationship for me?" If they had the benefit of your readiness coaching to be clear about who they are and what they want when they were single, they have the tools to make good relationship choices. If they have not done their readiness work and they know about you and pre-commitment coaching, they will be motivated to hire you at this point. If you think of entering a committed relationship as being like skydiving, some people will plan ahead and attend ground school before putting on their parachute, while others will finally be motivated to learn when they are at 30,000 feet and about to jump! I would be interested in hearing from other professionals that have thoughts or information to share about this new breed of couple that is showing up more frequently in our practices. Is this phenomenon as new to you as it seems to me? Are there any models, tools, resources specific to their situation that I may be unaware of? In next month's issue I will share more about what I have learned about pre-commitment coaching, including some of the tools and activities I have developed and adapted for this stage of Relationship Coaching. Invitations .I invite you to share your announcements, wins, coaching or practice tips with the rest of us. Be visible! Let's connect! Send them to me at .I invite you to share this newsletter with a colleague. There is a tremendous need for our services and we need to work together. Relationship Coaching is in it's infancy and we must collaborate to build our market niche and position as a resource of wide appeal for anyone who wants a successful relationship. .I invite you to get the support you need to be successful in your practice. We are available for information, training, ideas, mentor coaching, etc. .If you are a coach or therapist who received this from a colleague, I invite you to contact me for information on becoming a RelationshipCoachingInstitute Relationship Coach, or visit our web site at www.RelationshipCoachingInstitute.com. Ask about getting a free copy of our introductory audiotape, and about our free teleclasses. How do you like our newsletter? Your feedback is welcome! Until next time.... Best regards, David Steele, MA, LMFT Relationship Coach President and Founder of RelationshipCoachingInstitute
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